Any advice for a 23 yo virgin?

[chivesr]

I dont know if im in the right website. But I don't lose anything by asking here. I'm 23 yo, I've had only one relationship, lasted four year with her. He made out, masturbate each other, etc, but didn't had intercourse with her because I was waiting for a special moment. I broke up with her a year and a half and I met this new girl. We've been dating for two months and we have had our moments, oral sex and stimulation. However, we are going on a trip next weekend. I'm sure we might have sex. It will be my first time. She is not a virgin. Any advice? I'm worried I will let her down. I have experience giving oral sex and finger stimulation. And she loved it, but I'm not sure about intercourse. I'm also worried I'm not as emotionally connected with her as I think I should be in order to make love with her. Any advice?

[Sam W]

Hi Chivesr,

So, there are a few things to address in your question. The first is that virginity is something that doesn't have a concrete definition. You're defining it as not having penis/vagina intercourse, but by some people's definition the fact that you've engaged in any kind of sex at all means you're not.

More than that, being relatively inexperienced at certain sexual acts has less of an effect on how you and your partner feel than you might think. Communication with your partner about what feels good (and what doesn't) and what you're both interested in is more important than how much experience you have. After all, even if you've had sex with a few people, a new partner may have totally different desires and enjoy totally different things than your previous partner did. Make sense?

If you'd like some more information on communication, these two articles are helpful: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist

You also mention you don't feel like you're connected enough with your current partner to have this kind of sex with her. Can you tell me a little more about that?

[chivesr]

Thank you! By not having a strong connection I mean that we have been dating for about two months. During this time we have gotten to know each other a little bit. I just thin we need to know each other way better, in order to have this kind of sexual connection.

[Sam W]

You're welcome!

Ah, okay, thank you for explaining more. If you don't feel ready to have that kind of sex (or any kind of sex) with her, then you don't have to (right now or ever). There really isn't a timeline for these things, so if it doesn't feel right for you, then you should not put pressure on yourself to do it.

Out of curiosity, what feels different to you about that kind of sex and the types of sex you and your partner are already having?