What Makes for a "Real" portrayal of sex or romance?

[Sam W]

We talk a lot about how the representation of sex and romantic relationships in media (and sometimes just floating in the culture around us) isn't a good reflection of the reality of those things. But have you all found representations (in books, movies, etc) that you thought did portray those things realistically? What made you feel that way?

[Jacob]

That's a tough question because what's unreal for me, could be really real for someone else. So I don't know if depictions are 'realistic' per se, they just might strike a chord.

One film that does come to mind though, is eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... not because of the events of the plot or the arc of the relationship but more just style of the film. The way it flashes back and forth between things, childhood memories and the stages of a relationships. Felt very real for me, even though it was all a bit confused and at times cutesy.

So yep, confusion rings true!

[Atonement]

This post actually made have a somewhat telling realization about myself.

The only time I really ever catch myself thinking "This book/movie/show showed a realistic relationship" is when the relationship goes bad and ultimately falls apart, or when it's mediocre and the couple just lives semi-miserable for the rest of their lives.

For example, 500 Days of Summer seemed pretty real to me, mainly because I think it kind of nailed the way women tend to be viewed.

I thought Paper Towns (The book, never really got the same vibe from the movie) was very real in the same manner, but at least the protagonist seemed to learn something. Although, it seemed less gendered to be than 500 days of summer.

Any time I see something where there's a really good relationship, even where there are realistic challenges that are handled well by both parties, I tend to see it as "a nice fantasy, but not something realistic."

I never really realized I was quite that pessimistic about relationships, but I guess it explains why I haven't been involved in one in so long.