Scarleteen

Hello everyone,

I posted last year, about my attempts to acquire healthcare (LINK HERE). I never really made any progress with it. And then I went off to college, which has a nice health center. But that doesn't solve the problem that I have no primary care provider, and haven't been to an actual doctor for an actual physical in over two years now, at least.

So, last week, I called my insurance company (I'm a dependent under my parents). I'm trying to get them to stop sending explanation of benefits (EOBs), especially for my therapist. I get the feeling that my parents think I should be done with her, although I currently use her more of a life coach and just someone to talk to about my life and what's happening (good and bad), which I find very helpful. I pay the copay for my insurance, but as it's my parents insurance, they still get the EOBs. The insurance company helped me out, and set me up with a portal account, but not being a provider, I was unable to change the EOBs to paperless. They told me that they'd see what they could do for me, and call me back in about a week (still waiting).

I decided that I would also take it upon myself to take charge of my own heathcare, at least, as much as I could. I had asked my parents about finding me a list of doctors that I could choose from. That never happened, instead my mother went ahead and found me a doctor. I have no idea who he is, and I've never gone to see him. I used my insurance's health portal to find myself a doctor that I wanted. It's a female doctor, as I'm generally more comfortable with woman, and my experiences with woman health providers (including dentists, etc.) has generally been more positive than my experiences with male ones.

So, this doctor is taking new patients, and accepts my insurance. They called me this morning and said that she'd accepted me as a new patient, but that I needed to sign a form to get my medical records transferred. Luckily, I was in the area at the time, and was able to stop in and sign the paper. She's seeing one new patient a day, so when the paperwork goes through, I'll make an appointment for some time in July.

Back to the 'bumps in the road,' as I called them. See, I copied down the information from my dad's insurance card, as I don't have one of my own (another thing I asked for which was ignored). I made the call through it (I explained my situation), but I was able create an account on the insurance's health portal under my own information. I'm still a dependent on my parent's plan, however.

I also noted that at the doctor's office, there was a sign that said credit cards could be used to pay any copays. I didn't ask if cash could be used. I have a credit card, but it's only for emergencies, and it's under my parent's name. When I go shopping I use cash. So that could be a leak in getting the privacy I want in my healthcare. The second problem is that if my insurance company can't make the EOBs electronic (which would go to my email), they would continue to go to my parents.
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I think the best thing to do is to tell them. Although I want to keep my visits to my therapist under wraps, this I'm less concerned about. And better it me tell them then they get some statement or something in the mail, or an appointment reminder (I live with my parents when I'm not at school, so we have the same address). I just need to figure out how to do that. It should be as simple as telling them that I want to take care of my health, and that's what I'm doing.
Only I wish it were that simple. They'd probably ask how I got this far (I have no insurance card, so how did I call the insurance company), why I chose the doctor I did, why did I keep this secret until now, etc.

So, that's that. How can I tell my parents about this (although I don't want to, I think it's for the best)? Also, if my insurance company can't redirect the EOBs, what should I do next?
Any clarifications or questions, feel free to ask.

Hi Nitehawk,

I agree that telling your folks about picking your own primary care provider up front, since it will be less messy than them finding it out later. I guess a good starting point is: what kind of approach do you think your parents would be receptive to? For instance, would they respond well to you saying that you wanted to try doing this on your own? Or that you were trying to do it without bothering them?

As for the next steps, if it gets to that point with the EOBs, I would ask the folks at the insurance company you've been working with what they'd recommend.

Hey Sam,

They've always seen it as a good thing that I'm independent, and that if I want something done I'm the type of person to go get it done, so I believe that would be a good starting point.

I'm planning on calling my insurance company on Friday if they haven't called me back by then, and I'll talk to them about what my next steps can be, depending on their response. They were good in working with me last week, so I have no doubt that they'll try to work with me as much as possible.

Much appreciated!

UPDATE: Last nite I told my parents about getting a doctor, and they seemed okay with it. Surprisingly.

I still need to call my insurance company about the EOBs, they haven't called back yet.

Thanks for the update, and glad to hear it went well

UPDATE, PART 2: I just got off the phone with my insurance company. Due to me being a dependent, they are unable to make my EOBs paperless, unless I felt that I was in danger if they were sent. That not being the case, there's nothing they can do.

That makes sense from their end of things, though it is less convenient on your end. In that case, do you think another heads up to your parents may be the best way to go?

I think that would be the most reasonable next step. Except it's always a bit awkward (?) to bring it up. I think they might overreact to me seeing her on a more regular basis (maybe once a month or so). I mean, I am in college right now, and that's a lot to process, so that could be a reasonable explanation.

I think framing it as helping you manage the stress of school could be a very useful way to go (it's also not entirely untrue). What about you seeing her more would cause them to react negatively, do you think?

I would say that I don't believe they see a need for me to continue seeing her. After what caused me to need a therapist in the first place, and some problems in my Junior year of HS, I pretty much stopped seeing her, although I did see her once or twice (?) when I came back from school on breaks.

Although she's less of my therapist at the moment, and more of my counselor or life coach, I would say.

If your parents' issue is that they don't think there's a need for you to continue seeing her, then I agree with Sam that framing it as helpful in dealing with the stress of school would probably be the best approach.

One other option, if you think that your parents would try to stop you seeing your therapist or would otherwise react very negatively, would be to see if your school has a counselling service you can use. Often colleges/universities offer free counselling to their students, so insurance wouldn't be a hurdle if that was something you could access. Obviously that's not a perfect solution, since you wouldn't be able to access that care when you're not at school, but it might be worth exploring.

Hey Karyn, thanks for your input!

My school does offer free counseling, and I took advantage of that while I was there, and found it very helpful.

But you are correct in stating that it doesn't do me much good while I'm at home. In fact, I think I've got more things to deal with here then I did at school.

Hi Nitehawk,

That's frustrating (although, are there techniques you learned with the school therapist that you can use on your own?).

One other way to frame this for your parents is that it's like getting a check-up at the doctors office. Nothing may be super "wrong" per se, but it's good to check in as a preventative measure.