Sensitive clit:rubbing/oral doesn't feel good

[orangekangaroo]

Hello!

I want to orgasm but it's very difficult because my clit is too sensitive. Penetration feels good and nipple stimulation is great, but rubbing my clit is very uncomfortable (almost painful). When someone goes down on me, it feels uncomfortable (less so than rubbing my clit does but it is again, doesn't feel pleasurable). I've always heard that most women orgasm from clit stimulation and that is the best place to start with masturbation but that doesn't seem to work for me.

Is something is wrong? How do I tell/work with a partner on this? Most importantly, how else can I stimulate myself and what are my options?

Thanks!

[Carmen]

Hi organekangaroo,

Welcome to Scarleteen!
There is certainly nothing wrong. Everyone's bodies are different and we all experience pleasure in different ways. Just because a majority of people with vaginas may most easily orgasm from clitoris stimulation, that does not mean it has to apply to you or that anything is wrong if it doesn't.
There is no easy answer to other ways you can stimulate yourself and figure out what feels pleasurable to yourself besides exploring, trial and error and just getting to know your body - nobody is going to be better at finding the answer to that than yourself
In regards to working with a partner on this, have you tried communicating to them that certain sexual acts regarding your clitoris feel painful or uncomfortable? How'd that go? And if not, what might be some ways you think you would be comfortable bringing that subject up?

[orangekangaroo]

Thanks so much Carmen!

I was worried something was wrong that I don't feel any pleasure from clitoris stimulation, and that it is almost painful to touch. Thanks for clearing that up

In regards to a partner, I often have casual partners where it's hard to tell them that what has worked on other women doesn't work on me (aka rubbing and oral). When my partners are not long term, are more "hook up buddies", how do I tell them without getting a weird look? Especially when I don't know what feels good for me otherwise, or how to communicate to them to do something else and not just stop.

For example I was hooking up with someone who would rub my clit and perform oral. I a) didn't want him to feel bad that I wasn't enjoying myself but b) when I did tell him it wasn't good, he didn't try something new. Is there a way to tell a casual partner to get creative? Especially without directing them to something that definetly works for me?

[Carmen]

Of course, glad to help
I would say, in regards to partner's giving you weird looks when you tell them what feels good for you, they are either not worth it or just confused and more communication might be helpful. If a partner is not interested in hearing what feels good for you or open to communication about pleasure, I'd just say they are not worth it and you are not likely to have very enjoyable sex with them anyways. I also think you shouldn't have to worry about a partner feeling bad if you communicate what does and doesn't feel good for you and if anything (and if they are being a good sexual partner), that sort of conversation could result in them being excited to try something new they know will make you feel good. On that note, you said you wouldn't want to direct them to something that definitely works for you? I think that actually may be a great way to communicate with someone about what feels good for you, why do you think you might not want to do that (if I am understanding you right)?
I think this would be a super great read for the ins and outs of communicating about sex with partners,
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner. I also think this might be a good article to read in regards to approaching sex that is not as good we want it to be When Sex is Just a @#*&!ing Bummer. There are unfortunately so many assumptions about sex and that what feels good for some people applies to all people, not to mention a general lack of communication skills in that department, that all can make it really difficult to have awesome sex and I am sorry you are having to deal with the repercussions of all these things