Scarleteen

Hi!

I had protected receptive anal sex a few months ago, I don't think the condom broke (can you tell if it's broken or worn) but I'm not sure if we used lube that was safe for latex. I read that the chances of getting HIV from receptive anal sex are anywhere from 1.3%-3% and that condoms only reduce that risk by 80%, which freaked me out. Does that mean that even if it doesn't break there still a 20% chance that you can get HIV? I'm planning on getting tested, I would just appreciate it if there's any chance that I misunderstood the things I read to calm my anxiety. I got worried because I keep having reoccurring bouts of sore throat which is just adding to the anxiety. A lot of sources say that people get HIV exclusively from anal sex and that most people don't get it from PIV sex, and now I feel like I did something wrong.

Thank you.

Hi kickpad,

So, with the stats you found (assuming they're from somewhere reputable), it basically means that chances of HIV transmission are extremely, extremely low (think of it this way: the risk is 1.3%, condoms reduce that by 80%, leaving you with a tiny amount).

You can get from oral, vaginal, or anal sex. It's not exclusive to anal sex as a risk. You can read more about HIV (and getting tested) here: The STI Files: Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)

It sounds like you might also benefit from this article: Legit or Unfit? Finding Safe, Sound Sex Educators & Support Online

Finally, from what you're describing it sounds like anal sex may be something that needs to not be on the table right now, as it's causing you anxiety. If you want to talk more about how to scale back to activities where you do feel comfortable, we're happy to discuss that.

Hi,

I found the information on the CDC website, and I used their risk estimator tool and input condom use, but the results of it didn't decrease the risk of transmission much according to it (https://wwwn.cdc.gov/hivrisk/estimator.html). If it definitely didn't break, it would be closer to 100% effective, correct?

Yep, if the condom did not break (which would have been obvious) and was used for all of the penetration, then you can assume it did what it was supposed to.

Ok, I'll try to keep that in mind to calm down. I will be getting tested soon, though. I didn't even think twice about it until I saw those stats, they made me second guess everything. I appreciate your help and I appreciate this entire website for being so open and understanding.

I'd glad we could help out If you need some tips for keeping calm prior to testing, this article is really helpful: Self-Care a La Carte

Thank you! I'm getting my anxiety taken care of once my referral to see a psych goes through but this article seems like it'll help in the mean time.

Sorry for posting again, I was reading my textbook and the passage on HIV stated at 90% of HIV cases today are spread through heterosexual intercourse. Cue the anxiety again.

There are plenty more heterosexual people than there are queer people in the world, so it makes sense, numbers-wise, for more transmission to be through heterosexual intercourse. Textbooks are likely to talk about broad demographics like that to try to counter the very false notion that HIV is a "gay disease".

But you, and any other individual person, are not a demographic. You're an individual person, with your own specific sexual and health history. For any individual person, it's their own individual behaviours which impact the individual's chance of contracting HIV. You're concerned about intercourse: we know that correct condom usage massively reduces the risk of being exposed to HIV. By using a condom, you did exactly the right thing to take care of your health.

It's clear that it's your anxiety making you feel so jumpy after reading things like you did, so it's important to keep up with whatever management strategies you can before you can get to see a mental healthcare provider. If you weren't required to read this information at the moment for your studies? - leave it alone. Anxiety tells people that getting more information will help, but truly, it just keeps you focused on it and ramps up the anxiety: Anxiety Lies