Guilty Conscience

[daisygirl10]

Hey Guys! I am going to do my best to keep this very long and complicated story, short and straightforward.
About 2 months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up after 3 years of dating. We remained close friends, went to prom together, and talked frequently. A few weeks after the break up, I distanced myself from him to work on getting over him, rather than torturing myself with something I couldn't "have". During this time, I hooked up with another guy, and regretted it. Now, my ex and I have started a new friendship and have discussed getting back together. Should I tell him everything that I have done, or leave the past in the past?? In some sense it is none of his business because we were not together, but I still feel so conflicted!! Any advice would be so incredibly wonderful!!
Thank you

[Karyn]

Sorry you're feeling conflicted over this! Maybe it would help to think of it this way: if you were to tell him, what would you be hoping would happen as a result of that conversation? How would you want him to respond?

[daisygirl10]

I would want him to understand that things like this happen when couples break up, but I also want him to know how important he is to me. I know that he would feel some sting of jealousy, and maybe anger, but I do not see it as necessary to the formation of a new relationship to tell him the things we did while we weren't together. What he did while we broke up was his decision, and same with me. While honestly is most important, I do not think focusing on events of the past is going to be productive to creating a future. Is this crazy of me to think, or is it valid?

[Karyn]

That's not crazy at all. Really, there's no clear right thing to do here, it's about what you feel most comfortable with and what you think will work best for the two of you. It does sound like it might be worth having a conversation with him about what you just said: that you want him to know that he's important to you, and that you want to make sure the two of you are on the same page in terms of discussing/not discussing what happened while the two of you were broken up. From where I'm sitting, that's likely to be a more productive and useful talk to have.

How does that sound?

[daisygirl10]

Yes, I think that would be best for us and starting fresh with our relationship. Just talking this out and hearing back so quickly, and with honest, genuine feedback, means the world so much and has helped a lot!!!
Thank you Karyn!!

[Karyn]

You're so very welcome.