An Important Step

[Axolotl?s]

I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 16 we've know each other for 2.5 years and been dating for 10 months. For our 1 year anniversary in August, we have both decided we want to have PIV sex and are both emotionally, physically, and intellectually ready. There is one slight glitch though... We started getting orally sexually active 4 months into the relationship and he accidentally ejaculated onto my vagina (WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX). I got cleaned up and neither of us were extremely worried (well he was) until I started throwing up a few days later. This lasted for 4 days and on the 5th I was bleeding uncontrollably. My loving boyfriend was very concerned for me through this and we decided to look into things that could be happening. With everything else ruled out doctors confirmed a miscarriage and neither of our parents knew until my boyfriend told his mother 2 months later prompting me to tell mine. We are no longer allowed to be alone together without supervision (but we still get away with a lot) and there is my concern. What will happen if we get caught? I'm nervous I'll never be able to see him again. We both really want this to happen but then there's the obstacles of when and where. What should I do?

[Heather]

You know, it sounds to me like those days of throwing up were most likely your nerves (abdominal upset is really common when people feel strong anxiety) or a coincidental flu or something.

Anyway, I personally don't advise people to sneak around to have sex against family rules, ideally. It just adds all this worry to any sexual experience (and worry dampens feelings of desire and can just make the whole thing a lot less nice or fun), and you risk a whole world of conflict and drama that just probably isn't worth it. Sex can be great, for sure, but it's rarely, if ever, so great it's worth months of conflict, drama and distrust in your home, you know?

Why not hold up on all this until you two can build more trust with your families and have a different emotional environment for you to be sexual together (whatever kind of sex we're talking about) in? We can certainly talk about you making a different choice, but I just wanted to put that one out there first.