A Few Questions

[Fender909]

Hey Scarleteen,

So I if I took the second pill of my pack around 11 hours later than normal, is the effectiveness of the pill compromised very greatly? It was just a situation where I went to bed very early and slept through the normal time I take my pill, then I took it first thing in the morning.

Also, since I've been on the pill for a little over a year now, I'm starting to notice more regular symptoms. Towards the middle of my pack, my breasts swell up more, to where even my boyfriend and friend can clearly notice the difference. I've noticed this at least through the last two packs. Then when I'm on my sugar pills/period, they tend to go back down to normal size. It just gets confusing and uncomfortable and I'm wondering if breast swelling is a normal symptom of the pill. I'm at the point in my pack where my breasts are swollen and uncomfortable again so it's just on my mind.

During my last pack, my stepmother (who knows I'm sexually active) was trying analyze my behavior (swelling breasts, frequent napping, irritability) to say that I may be pregnant. This threw me into panic mode for the rest of the day, because I had been comfortable telling myself that I was fairly safe with the protection I use and how I had been using it. I let her know that I take my pills regularly and have never experienced a condom breaking, and that the behavior she was noticing was likely "teenage" behavior. It honestly irritated me that she tried to analyze me as an outsider and came to the conclusion that I might be pregnant because I've had serious anxiety before about this topic and only recently became more comfortable and confident in my protection.

Anyway, I got my period a few days later and let her know. Then, she very matter-of-factly told me that "bleeding can become very automatic when on the pill." So I believe she was suggesting that I could have my period and still be pregnant, which irritated me more. I feel like she is giving me false information/myths and I just wanted to find some input here.

I still want to express how lucky I feel to have such an attentive and caring partner. He asks explicitly, "Can I have sex with you?" (Which others may think sounds dorky, but I find it unbearably attractive and lovely) There are no blurred lines in terms of consent with him, and never have been. xoxoxo <3

Lastly, since it is scary to think about but I feel necessary to be educated on since I'm sexually active, I had some questions about abortion.

I would most definitely want to take the pill in case of an unwanted pregnancy. I'm lucky to live in California where access to minors is pretty damn high. The main problem would be money. What is the average cost of the pill, with/without insurance? I'm a little worried about money because I do not believe my insurance covers abortion. How can you tell if your insurance covers it or not? I have only $60 dollars to my name right now, so I'm also wondering how I would even get the money. Any tips?

Also, I would probably want to keep it from my parents ideally. So who are some good examples of people I could go to to fill out paperwork/walk me through the process and logistics of it all?

One last thing I was curious about is if during an abortion the person who impregnated you is required to be a part of it. As in, would they be involved in the paperwork/cost/process of acquiring one?

Thank you!

With Love,
Fender

[Sam W]

Hi Fender,

You have a 12 hour grace period before your pill is considered late, so if you took it 11 hours after the usual time, the effectiveness should not have been lowered. As for the symptoms, people's bodies react differently to the pill, and it sounds like yours has settled on breast tenderness as one of it's common ones.

I agree that your step-mom's behavior is absolutely not okay. The monitoring your body and trying to freak you out is deeply unhelpful, as is her passing on of incorrect information (to be fair, she may not know it's incorrect. Plenty of adults carry around false things they learned about sex). It sounds like you're speaking up to her, which is good, and if you need more tips for approaching this dynamic, we can talk about those.

As for your other questions, these are two really good articles to get you started. The first one goes over EC, with some links to more information, and the other covers abortion
Emergency Contraception (Plan B or the Morning-After-Pill)
All About Abortion

With things like cost, that can vary from clinic to clinic, so you'll usually call ahead and ask them what the procedures are like at their specific location.

[Fender909]

Thanks Sam.

I truly hope she isn't TRYING to freak me out. She is very manipulative, controlling, and harsh though and I really don't feel welcome in her house.

It makes me wonder what would happen if I DID hypothetically turn out to be pregnant. Would she be kind to me and help me access an abortion?

I suppose I would like more help navigating this dynamic with her because I know she wouldn't appreciate me "reading" her body in such ways. I think she bases my sex life off of a lot of some resentment in her teenage years. She also makes steps to say that my relationship is "power imbalanced" just because he is a bit older than me, while in the same sentence admitting that she doesn't even know my boyfriend well at all.

She's told me that she was very sexually active my age and younger, often with older people. So I don't know if she's thinking about her past when she tries to involve herself in possibly unwelcome ways.

[Sam W]

You're welcome

That does sound like a really frustrating dynamic to live with. It does sound like some of her controllingness is coming out (or she could be really, really misguided in trying to help, but at a certain point her motives matter less than what they result in).

In terms of navigating these conversations with her, it sounds like you've tried to shut them down at least once ad asked her to stop. How does she react to that? And, more importantly, does she actually respect the boundary after you've asserted it?

[Fender909]

I guess I've never tried to DIRECTLY shut the conversation down by telling her what she is saying isn't ok, but I've shut it down by saying things like, "I'm confident that the way I've been using both of my birth control methods is keeping me safe."

She reacts to that by saying passive aggressive things like, "Oh, you teenagers and all of your knowledge."

I want to feel safe in knowing that I have parents that would help me if I got into a bad situation, but sometimes it just feels like they're playing games with me.

I have a couple more questions if that's ok. Is it normal to develop noticeable symptoms after a WHILE of being on the pill? Because I feel like my body is kind of JUST falling into a pattern of symptoms, such as breast swelling, nausea, anxiety, etc. when I just didn't notice them before.

Also, since I've been on the pill a while now my doctor brought up the idea of possibly moving on to the implant as a method. I've learned a bit more about it and thought that since I'm pretty sexually active it would be helpful to have a form of birth control that doesn't rely on human action (besides the initial implanting procedure, that is). I wouldn't risk messing up the dose by missing a pill or anything, which I think would be nice. And of course I'd keep using condoms, always. One thing I'm worried about is my period. I've been relying on my period as a crutch to reassure myself I'm not pregnant and find comfort when it comes, and I've learned that periods aren't really regular with the implant. My questions are: is it possible to have a regular period on the implant? And how would you suspect being pregnant on the implant?

[Heather]

What if you followed up a statement like you said...

"I'm confident that the way I've been using both of my birth control methods is keeping me safe."

WITH:

"And I'm who this matters to, so I'd ask that unless you can support me in that, your respect my choices with this. If they turn out poorly, I'm aware I'll suffer the consequences, and that, too, will be my responsibility."

(Btw, I'm so sorry that your stepmother talks with you that way. That sounds like it'd feel really patronizing to me, and it's sure never fun to feel patronized by people whose respect we want the most. )

People can have side effects of any medication, including contraceptives, at any time while using them. There's no cut-off date when people can be assured they'll never have them because they haven't before.

With the implant, most often people will get more erratic periods, or skip them sometimes. Some people do stop having them. So, either that's just not a good fit for you based on the way you want to reassure yourself of not being pregnant OR you could start to make more effort to do things like accept the statistical realities of methods like the implant (where pregnancy is truly nearly impossible) or find other ways to reassure yourself.

Alternately, you could ask about midd-ground methods here, like the patch or ring, where you'd have withdrawal bleeds like with the pill, but wouldn't have to do something with that method every day.

[Fender909]

Yeah, I think I will have to tell myself that with the implant pregnancy is so unlikely that there isn't even much of a need to be "reassured" by a period. I believe that in the long run the implant will be much more beneficial to me and probably leave me happier and more comfortable, so I may schedule an appointment for that soon. I'll read up about it more here on Scarleteen too. : )

I'm dealing with a lot of stress/anxiety and some depression right now because of an unhappy household I'm living in and also the stress of trying depsperately to find a job. I'm making $90 dollars a week right now with under the table jobs, but I'm trying to find a job with a steady paycheck so I can make my way towards moving out of my parent's house and providing for myself.

[Heather]

On the whole, my experience in this work and life is that people who use long-term methods like the implant tend to really love them.

That all is super-stressful, and I hear you on trying to create the income you need to be independent. Have you looked into renting a bigger place with a couple to a few roommates? That's how most people first make that transition (and how most people also tend to live independent from parents for most of their lives, with some form of roomie, be that friends, partners, kids or all of the above.

Also, you probably already thought about this, but as I recall you play guitar (and thus your handle): if I am remembering that right, what about giving some music lessons?

[Fender909]

Oh yeah, of course. I know of a few people with spare rooms right now that they're likely willing to rent out. I'm totally open to roommate situations. : )

I'm at this blossoming point in my life where I'm needing to make a lot of steps on my own to prove to my parents (and myself) I CAN move out, y'know? I'm about to become an adult and it's time to put some pressure on myself.

Luckily today I felt productive and dropped off a few job applications! It's just frustrating how hard it is to get a job right now. I feel like I've applied at SOOO many places. : (

[Heather]

I do know, and it's really such a big deal. It's a big deal thing to feel, and it's a very big deal thing to be teetering on the edge of and see almost-so-just within reach. (And also stressful and frustrating you can see it, but it's still not yet in your hands.)

If you don't do it already as one way to both relieve stress AND be able to just kind of enjoy the almost-there of your independence, you might want to start keeping a journal where you jot down dreams, hopes and plans. What neighborhoods you'd love to live in, what things you are looking forward to cooking for housemates, what new skills you're excited about getting a chance to acquire your own, what you plan to do with your time when you no longer have to get an agreement on how you spend it by anyone else, etc. Giving yourself space to just daydream about it can help dial down the stress and dial up the excitement.