Scarleteen

I have just bought my first sex toy after being curious about penetration; it's a small, beginner's dildo (4.5 inch circumference, 4 inch length with a flexible internal spine). It's made of soft, squidgy TPE and I clean it after each use and keep it wrapped in a towel in a drawer in my dresser. Penetration isn't an issue, but it's actually kind of boring. This toy is long enough to reach my G-spot, but I've yet to have any orgasms with it, even if I bend the spine a bit. Currently, I only have clitoral orgasms.

What are the best techniques or positions (currently only tried missionary) to stimulate the G-spot with this toy (my stubby fingers are too short) and how long does it take to reach orgasm? I know it's there, I've felt the internal pulse and felt the prostate fluids building. I'm really frustrated here.

Hi there Addy,

While a lot of people really do enjoy g-spot stimulation, and find that it does help them achieve orgasm, we can't guarantee that'll happen to you, or know when or how to make it happen. It could be that experimenting with some different positions or angles of insertion will help that stimulation feel better or more intense, but bodies and preferences are different enough that we can't know for sure what will work for you; I think the best thing to do is just keep trying things out.

A lot of people really like the feeling of g-spot stimulation, but there's no guarantee that you or anyone else will find that sensation, or insertion/penetration in general, particularly exciting or orgasm-worthy. If you're really feeling frustrated I think it's ok to take a break from what's frustrating you and spend some time on things you know you really enjoy during masturbation. Experimentation is great and can be really helpful, but if it stops feeling fun you don't have to keep at it.

For more info on the g-spot, you may find the discussion of it in this article helpful (you'll have to scroll down a bit for the g-spot section, although the entire thing's well worth a read!): With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

I think a few extra facts might help with this, too.

One is that "body part + orgasm" (a la, "clitoral orgasm" or "vaginal orgasm") as a thing, unless the body part is the central nervous system, is always a problematic framework because while we will all tend to find, over time, that certain (but not universal) ways of being stimulated or stimulating ourselves physically tends to make orgasm more or less likely, orgasm is something that happens mostly via our central nervous system, not a given body part like, say, the penis or clitoris.

Plus, in this case, the G-spot and the clitoris aren't separate parts: the G-spot is part of the whole, larger clitoral structure, just like the glans clitoris is.

But no kind of stimulus means someone will reach orgasm. Whether or not you do based on G-spot stimulation, and what kind, is going to be something you'll find out, rather than something where if you just do something right, it will happen, and if you don't, you're doing something wrong.

That said, the G-spot is only a couple inches inside the vaginal canal, and sometimes closer to the opening still, depending on individual bodies. So, you can use a toy this size to explore that and find out.

If nothing feels even remotely interesting about that kind of stimulation, a few things can be going on. 1) You may just not be someone who finds this kind of stimulus all that stimulating, or who finds it stimulating with no other kind of stimulation going on, like stimulating your clitoral glans at the same time, say, or making out at the same time (pro-tip: that's how it is for a majority of people). 2) You may not be turned on enough or throughout to find whatever stimulation you have going on do anything, which isn't a shocker if doing this feels meh to you. Desire and arousal usually have to happen before orgasm can, and few people get aroused by feeling bored.

Or 3) This just might not be the right toy for this kind of stimulation for you. It'd be so awesome if any one toy met all of any of our sexual likes and needs, but that's rarely the case, alas.