Scarleteen

I have been out of my abusive relationship for 3 years now. Even though I've been free of him for that long, he's still in my thoughts. He was mainly verbally abusive but things eventually got physical. I always find myself thinking about the things he said to me. He would criticize my weight, my skin and even my family. He'll still reach out to me every now and then. It seems like he knows whenever I get a new phone and his number isn't blocked because he'll text me again. And for some reason, I still feel obligated to reply to him even though he treated me terribly. I just want to move on but don't know why I can't stop letting what he has said to me run my life. Does anyone have any tips?

I'm so sorry to hear this.

By all means, one important step to take is to block his number. Permanently.

You know how he made you feel, and you know how he still makes you feel. You know it's the literal opposite of good. We don't owe ANYONE the ability to contact us, let alone someone who has shown us clearly that when we let them into our lives, they choose to do us harm. You don't owe this guy squat. The person I think you DO owe something to, and where you are obligated, is yourself. You owe you a life as free of this as you can manage. One thing within your control is to do what you can to cut off his ability to contact you.

Think you can start there? Maybe even right this very second?

In the event you are blocking his number but he keeps somehow getting your new number when you get a new phone, then someone clearly is giving it to him each time. Who do you think that might be?