The doctors said this is normal but ...

[Bluebear]

I went to my regular family doctor last week in order to get her to help me properly insert a menstrual cup. Before inserting it she put her finger in me and it hurt very badly, bad enough that i was squirming on the table and trying to move away. She said that my vagina was too tight to fit the cup in and that i should start off wearing small tampons in order to stretch my hymen, but i really dislike tampons so i wont be doing that....
I am 20 years old and a virgin but i definitely know i am ready for sex when that time comes. I am pretty familiar with my body and i was very shocked at how much it hurt. I know also that being horny does make a difference. But I am now scared that its really going to hurt. My doctor literally said "you have a normal vagina" I am not paraphrasing this is EXACTLY what she said, but i still feel like it hurt more than it should have.
Im just looking for any advice, or similar experiences. I don't want to be scared to have sex.

[Sam W]

Hi Bluebear,

We can't know for certain why it hurt so much, but often insertion is painful because the person is tense or anxious or there is not enough lube present. If you are tense or not lubricated and someone inserts something, even if it's something small, it can hurt quite a bit. If you get to a point where you're sexually active and worried about penetration hurting, a combination of lube (seriously, lube is your friend) and communication can help you avoid pain. You could also try using sex toys when you masturbate. That could help you get used to the sensation of insertion, as well as give you a chance to learn what movements and speeds are comfortable for your body.

With the menstrual cup, are you using something like a Diva Cup that's pretty thick? Or are you using soft cups?

[Bluebear]

It was a smaller cup, not the diva cup i forget the name now though. I did a lot of research before buying it and it was recommended for those who are virgins and who it might possibly be their first cup. I also bought lube with it because I 100% agree that lube is your friend. The doctor also used lube on her finger when inserted. I think thats why I am more worried is because i don't feel like i was tense but truthfully who isnt going to be a little tense in that kind of situation.

[Sam W]

Hooray for doing your research! And your right, most people will be a little tense at doctor's visits (even if they're trying not to be). It may also be a matter of practice and finding a position for insertion that works for your body. For instance, some people try to insert the cup from a squat position and find that doing so is super, super uncomfortable. But a position where they stand with one leg up on something like the toilet seat works great (if you haven't tried that position already, it's one that many folks recommend).

If you're worried about what this might mean for partnered sex, I think masturbation might offer some help. It would give you a chance to be in total control of the speed and size of what's being inserted (be that fingers or a toy) and let you do so when you're aroused.

[Heather]

You know, if it helps to know, as someone who probably is more relaxed getting sexual and reproductive healthcare as anyone I know (and who started being sexually active over 30 years ago), I have STILL had issues during exams when it came to doing cervical cup and diaphragm fittings, which is basically the same kind of thing you were doing here with the cup.

Medical settings are just not places where our bodies tend to relax, pretty much ever. Even when we're so used to them we couldn't be more used to them. Too, even when we're so comfy with a healthcare provider, that's just not who we usually want to be around when we're putting things inside our genitals. We're going to be more relaxed on our own, pretty much as a rule.

So, what I'd suggest is figuring that going about this on your own is likely to go a lot easier, especially if you can let go of fear you have now it will be terribly painful (which always makes it more likely it will be). And instead of starting with a tampon, I'd just suggest you lube up a single finger and get comfortable with that. Then you don't have to spend any money, and a finger is easier to insert into the vagina than a tampon, since it's not made of an absorbent fiber. Just take some time to get comfy with that feeling. If you let a fingertip just sit at the vaginal opening for a little bit, you often can even feel the opening and canal getting a bit more relaxed so sliding it in further is easier.

Then once doing that kind of thing is old hat and feels like no big, give a tampon or this cup another go.

[cath]

I am a big fan of menstrual cups, but certainly experienced a learning curve with it, and it was a while before my vagina and I became adept at inserting it. The position you are in when inserting it (not typically laying down) makes a difference in comfort as well. good luck!