Scarleteen

Im really confused about my gender identity, Im 16 bio- Female and for the last few months iv been really confused to the point that im thinking about it 24/7. I think i might be Trans. I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, iv had the passing thought a few times over the years like am i trans but then i just dismissed it and have the occasional thought of dam i wish i was a dude. but this time it came into my head it won't leave no matter what i do. I thought of it and then part of me went dude i think you are but another part went you cant be a boy your a girl you've been a girl for 16 years of your life but the more i think about it the more confused and more sure i get i look back at my childhood and things that i didn't think were connected are piecing together but i cant shake the thought of i cant be but i cant find any reasons why it must be false besides iv always been a girl and lots for why i think i might be trans though the reasons are probably stupid

I don't like my boobs sometimes im so disgusted i cant touch them without feeling nauseous i get jealous when i see all the guys with their flat chests and skinny frames and flat stomachs and the clothes they get to wear, I feel jealous of FTMs and i relate to males in tv and book and stuff not females and i want to be like them almost as if i want to be them and i wear a sports bra to flatten my chest and i have bought a binder and wear it whenever i can it makes me happy and i got my hair cut short and it just fits me much better like i feel happier and more myself and i cant stand when people call me lady or woman or call me pretty and when i get mistaken for a guy i feel great and i hate dresses and skirts and 'girly' things since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do coz i realise that i will never actually be fully male no matter who much i try or want it i will never be 100% biologically male and i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud but im only realising this now. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way.

Sorry this is such a mess im just really confused. i want to accept it but i cant its gotten to the point where i just want it to go away i just want to stop feeling like this but a part of me is holding onto it and i think i would be disappointed if i wasn't trans, i have been considering telling my mum and coming out (i have actually planned it out) so i can wear the boy uniform at school but what if im wrong what if im not trans. sorry this is so long why cant i accept it?

Welcome to the boards.

There's a lot to talk about when someone has a question like this, but I think the best way to start is just to give you few links to look over, then you can come back and we can talk more, if you like.

Before I do that, though, I want to just say a couple of things:

1) You get to dress how you want to dress regardless of your gender identity. In other words, it's no less -- or more -- okay for a cisgender girl to want to wear the "boy" uniform than someone trans, or even a cisgender boy, for that matter. So, when it comes to how you want to dress and otherwise present yourself, know that you get to do whatever that is no matter your gender identity. You also can explore different ways of presenting yourself in terms of gender without having the answer to the question about whether you want to identify as trans or not.

2) You can't really fake your own feelings, to yourself. I hear a lot of doubting your own feelings here, or feeling like you somehow need to be able to prove to others, and perhaps even yourself, that they're "real." But the thing is, we already know they're real because you're having them. I'd see what you can't do to try and let go of some of that, and just let yourself feel how you feel more without analyzing it, or trying to "prove" or validate it in some way.

Here are those links, and again, feel free to swing back by if you want to talk more after you dig into them:
• Our trans summer school series starts here: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... mer_school
• This piece in that series is probably the most helpful to you right now: http://www.scarleteen.com/trans_summer_ ... s_now_what
• As a trans person, how can I navigate authentic gender expression and avoid the identity police?: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advic ... the_identi
• Gender Confusion: Being Unsure Doesn't Have to Be a Bummer: http://www.scarleteen.com/node/7926