Scarleteen

I currently have a job but its over an hour away from my boyfriend's house. If I move in with him I'll have a long commute and not much time with him in the evening.
But its tough to get a job in this area. I have a degree and have been working at the same place about five and a half years. I've been through two interviews and haven't been picked. I want a job that would be full time with benefits.
I would probably find work easier at places like burger king or sheetz but again those probably don't carry benefits and our schedules would probably clash. He works during the day if I ended up working evening or weekends we'd never see each other.
So an option is to work where he's working which everyone tells me I won't like it there. Its food factory and would be the same thing over and over. Some of my family members say I'll hate it there.
It would be less than half an hour from his house. I'd have benefits.
My dad, sister, and some friends are who say I'll probably hate it. My mom says do what you have to do.
I'm worried that if I leave the field I'm in (office) and then do not like it I'll have an even harder time finding a job in the office field. And what if we break up? Then I might not be able to go back and we would be working at the same place --my sister pointed out.
But I think that if I commute one hour each way to work that would put strain on the relationship. I want to be able to spend time with him in the evenings not spend time driving home.
What would you do or has anyone else had a similar situation? I kind of am not sure and don't want to jump and do something that turns out to be a bad decision. I want to think of things first...

Hi Butterfly,

One question I have is: do you like the field you're currently in and the job you currently have and/or does it point you on a path towards jobs you'd like to have in the future?

If you haven't moved in yet (which it sounds like is the case, but please let me know if I'm wrong), have you and your boyfriend talked about your concerns over the commute and the time you'd have together? An hour commute is not uncommon in some places, so there's a chance it's more workable than you think, but it's up to you to decide what you are and are not willing to deal with. Have you discussed options besides you moving to him, such as finding a place in the middle of the distance?

It sounds like you're giving this choice a lot of thought, which is a sound move. How does your relationship feel right now? And when you say you worry about it becoming strained, what does that look like to you?

Hi Sam
No I haven't moved yet. And I'm moving to him not halfway cause its his place.
My job is OK some days. It depends on the boss's mood. I don't know how other places are. I've been told other places are better than that...
I'm just a receptionist. I get to do other ppls work which is ok I like to be busy but mostly its easy stuff and not really anything future employers would find useful. Like I make a lot of copies but when it comes to accounting they have never involved me in cutting checks...does that make sense? Theres probably no place to move up there for a while. There was an opening in payroll but twice they never considered teaching me. Its tough you need experience to start something like that new but there's no one willing to train you.
I'd probably have stayed there as long as I could but its just getting to be like that. Plus as I posted here before the owner boss has made some odd comments and keeps asking about my relationship. And the HR guy does too. The people there are sometimes disrespectful.
An hour coomute is probably normal but I don't make much there plus they have been cutting hours since business is down.
Strained... well I figure that I could get tired of commuting and not seeing him much during the week.
The relationship is fine otherwise. Its the best I've been in given my experience.

Hi Butterfly,

Thank you for clarifying. If your current job is not something you're attached to (and, it sounds like, downright uncomfortable at times) something that might help you is to make a list of the pros and cons of staying at that job or quitting and looking for a new one closer to where your boyfriend lives. It would also be sound to think about some of the likely outcomes of the quitting and moving and what you'd do if they were to happen (for example, what would you do if you two broke up, or if the job you did find made you miserable). Sometimes thinking through the various choices and their consequences can help you work out what you want to do.

You might also want to give this article a read, since moving in with him is still a few steps in the future. It will give you some advice and things to think about that can help make the process a little easier for you if you do move in together: You, Them and a U-Haul: Considering Cohabitation

I do just want to add that in a lot of places, a work commute of an hour or more each way is awfully common. In other words, loads of couples do just fine with people commuting that much or more. People can nurture relationships and keep them going just fine with only a couple hours -- and sometimes even less! -- together each day.

So, just food for thought in the event you really feel like you do want to stay at your existing job. It really just isn't that big of a deal, nor is this uncommon as far as commutes go.

I don't make a whole lot at my job to really stay. Plus they are going down hill and some weeks I don't get a whole week. Only thing that makes me want to stay is the medical benefits and its in a field I would want to work.

What it sounds like your best bet is per making this choice is perhaps centering it first on your work wants and needs. In other words, setting aside your desire to have a shorter commute once you move to have more time with your boyfriend, do you still want and need this job? Or would you prefer to look for something else, as this job just isn't meeting your needs?

If the answer is the latter, you can just go ahead and start looking, do some interviews, and see if you can find something better that meets your needs. You can obviously look for jobs closer to where you will be moving.

If it turns out you can't find anything better -- or you can, but it's still around the same commute -- then you stay at this job until you can, and just deal with this commute, which is unlikely to have an impact on your relationship simply by adding maybe an hour or two at most to time together, especially since when living together, you will likely be seeing each other a lot. If it turns out you do find something better that is also closer, well, wahoo!