A Quick Question

[ladyrevan21]

Hi. This is probably going to seem very redundant considering my previous posts, but I guess I've been questioning something that happened in my past. And something that might have sort of brought me to the boards to begin with, actually. How normal is it for a parent to help put in a tampon for their daughter assuming the daughter asks for help, of course?

I hope this isn't inappropriate, and if it is, I'm really sorry. I guess I was wondering about that.

[Heather]

You know, what's okay and comfortable in families is really diverse, since families don't all have the same dynamics when it comes to this stuff or anything else. For example, in some families, there's a lot of nudity, and for some in them, that'd be great and comfortable and feel normal, while in others, it might not. This stuff just really depends both on your family as a whole and how you feel in it.

I hear you saying you asked a family member for help in putting in a tampon, which says to me that that felt comfortable for you. Do I have that right?

[ladyrevan21]

So it really more depends on the person in question's comfort level? That makes sense.

I admit that I'm not quite sure if that was the case re: me feeling comfortable. My memories of both instances are admittedly fuzzy. I suppose I was speaking more hypothetically. (I...hope that makes sense at any rate)

[Heather]

Yep. What feels right for you is what leads here.

Look, there are families where parents are the midwives and help their children give birth. Families where doors are always open when people are having sex with whoever their partners are, including parents themselves doing that with their sexual life together. Then there are families where all the doors to everything are always shut, and bodies aren't even talked about.

It's hard to talk in universals because of this cultural and personal diversity, so what we need to do is just get a sense of our own feelings and comfort, and let those be our guide. If something doesn't feel right, or seems to be having negative impacts on our lives, then it's probably not right for us. If something feels right and feels like it supports our lives positively, then it probably is.

[ladyrevan21]

Different strokes for different folks, basically?

Well, in terms of how I felt at the time, I didn't really think it was wrong (I can remember the feelings if not how the sequence of events went). Now...now I'm wondering if it actually wasn't quite right. My mom and my aunt both say it's normal, but I'm terribly unsure.

[Heather]

Pretty much.

I think that you might want to bear in mind that we live in a world that is rife with body shaming, and that includes sex shaming, which also gets attached to things that aren't about sex at all, but involve the body parts people classify or think of as sexual. That shame can sometimes make us second-guess things that really are or were fine and right for us: it happens to people all the time.

So, I'd not dwell on this. If you know it felt just fine for you at the time, and you feel that your family are generally safe, loving people who you obviously felt safe enough asking for this kind of help, I don't see any reason to look to revise, basically, how you felt now when you seem to express something that felt perfectly right for you at the time. That just strikes me as something likely to make you feel bad or weird about something that doesn't seem to have been either.

[Heather]

FYI, if it helps, even from a mother full of shame about all of this stuff, who otherwise didn't have anything to do with things like this, I got a pretty detailed and hands-on lesson about using pads (that was when they came with this belt-like thing that had some fairly confusing bits to it: the ones we had then didn't just stick onto things).

[ladyrevan21]

True that regarding the sex shaming and body shaming. It's pretty awful, really. And it really does make things more difficult than they need to be while you're growing up.

So what you're saying is that it's really how I felt at the time that matters most? That makes sense. I admit that I don't have the full details (it's kind of incomplete) but I can at least put it aside unless new data comes up. I admit I didn't really know that pads came with belts; that's pretty interesting.

[Heather]

That's what I'd say in general with this particular situation, based on what you've posted, yes.

(And yeah, they used to have this kind of elastic belt with straps. Then the pads would be this thick jobbies with long fabric extensions on each end that went into a thing on the strap. Much more complicated than pads needed to be, for sure!)

[ladyrevan21]

Makes sense.

Thank goodness for modern pads! They definitely seem more sensible, I think.

[Heather]

I'm personally a fan of the washable ones that are sewn into underpants like these -- http://lunapads.com/underwear/brand/lun ... country=US -- or these: http://www.shethinx.com/

[ladyrevan21]

Those sound awesome!

[Shanice]

Hey i get a lot of pain in my belly during sex what is the cause of it ?

[Karyn]

Painful sex can have a few different causes. Check it out: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

(In the future, please make a new thread if you have a question: it just helps us keep better track of things and make sure that nothing gets missed. Also please don't post questions multiple times, as we ask in the guidelines you agreed to when you registered for the boards.)