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in a bit of a pickle

When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
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SatansFirstLady
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:35 am
Age: 28
Awesomeness Quotient: my eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she or her
Sexual identity: straight
Location: New Zealand

in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by SatansFirstLady »

:cry:

So my boyfriend and I have been together for not very long (six weeks). We both have schizophrenia and his is more controlled than mine.
Recently i have been having trouble with my heart and they are talking heart failure which terrifies me. Im only 19 turning 20 in November!
I have to have a range of more tests done but i have researched it and it sounds like my health atm.
Im considering leaving my bf over it if its bad news to spare him the pain. What do you people think? Hes very sensitive
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by Heather »

Hey there: our whole staff is at a staff retreat right now, but we wanted to let you know we saw this, and will be able to talk with you in a few hours.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by Heather »

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis: that certainly is a very hard bunch of news to get and process.

It's obviously up to you what YOU want to choose to do about this relationship -- or any, under any conditions -- when it comes to your choices, for yourself. It's also obviously up to you what you tell your boyfriend or anyone about your health and your prognoses, for any reason.

But in relationships built on mutual trust and respect, between people who see themselves as equals, what we will want to do is to not make choices for our partners, but to let them make choices for themselves. By all means, if you feel your partner isn't stable enough for any part of your relationship, to the point that you worry about their safety or yours, you may need to go about any part of your relationship differently.

However, as the basis of a health, close relationship, it's generally advised that with things like this, you share the information with a partner and then trust and respect them as people to make their own choices based on what they, not you, decide is best for them and decide THEY can and can't handle.

Reading all of that, how do you feel about it?

(As a side note, I'd advise you not to be doing medical research online like this -- or at least not figuring it tells you much about yourself -- before you have all the tests advised done and have their results, as well as the educated, specific-to-you analysis of those results by your healthcare team. It's just too easy, in generalized, broad information, to scare yourself into thinking things are worse than they are. Do you need any help with self-care when you're in this space with scary health news?)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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SatansFirstLady
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:35 am
Age: 28
Awesomeness Quotient: my eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she or her
Sexual identity: straight
Location: New Zealand

Re: in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by SatansFirstLady »

Thanks. They have tested for pretty much everything that they can think of except heart failure. My bf is 8 years older than me and i know he'd stick around it's just what if it is bad news? Then what?
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by Heather »

When was his last STI test though? And which STIs, specifically, did he tell you he was tested for?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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SatansFirstLady
newbie
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Aug 19, 2016 8:35 am
Age: 28
Awesomeness Quotient: my eyes
Primary language: English
Pronouns: she or her
Sexual identity: straight
Location: New Zealand

Re: in a bit of a pickle

Unread post by SatansFirstLady »

Hes all clean :)
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