Complicated Feelings

[iamwizard30]

I'm currently a Junior a in high school. I just moved from one high school to a new one. I'm nervous. I really haven't made any friends, except for my section leader, who I will refer to as X. X is really nice and really really cute. At least I think so. I met him once in June and again in July before we started summer band. Things the first week already proved to be complicated. I may have been too honest about an action that I had done with a guy not that long ago. X seemed intrigued. He started joking that we should do said action. He stopped joking for a few days, but brought it up eventually. This time I jokingly said yes and so did he. We both thought each other was joking and didn't mean it. Soon, I realize that we both wanted to do it.I do admit I do have a crush on him.It was only until my friend asked for a condom that things started heating up. We aIways text each other constantly, and we always are next to each other, so we had been talking jokingly about condoms. i had about 6condoms ( I hadn't used any, but if I wanted to I could and be safe.) I gave 3 to a friend, but X insisted that I keep the 3 for us. We keep joking and joking and somehow we got into the conversation on how "I would do it, but only if you wanted to". I said yes and we changed the subject. Tonight, we had a band dance and I mentioned how there was full moon and it was making everybody " sexually charged". He notice that too. Once my friend left the car, we both sat there in my car in silence, before he said " let's do something". I asked him "what?" To which he replied, anything you want to. I really wanted to kiss him and see if that would lead to anything, but I just laughed and tried not to look at him. I could feel him staring. I knew what he wanted to do, because I wanted to do it too, but I couldn't. Our time together was over, and that was the end of my night. I tried texting him, but I think he went to sleep. Any thoughts on how I should handle this?

[Heather]

Hey there.

So, I'm not sure I know what the "this" is you're asking about how to handle. Can you clarify for me what, exactly, you are looking for help handling? Do you mean that you want to pursue a sexual relationship with this person, but don't feel comfortable doing so for some reason?

If that is what you mean, the place to start is to talk about what you think is making you feel uncomfortable. If that's not what you're asking about, can you fill me in? Thanks!

[iamwizard30]

Hey there.

So, I'm not sure I know what the "this" is you're asking about how to handle. Can you clarify for me what, exactly, you are looking for help handling? Do you mean that you want to pursue a sexual relationship with this person, but don't feel comfortable doing so for some reason?

If that is what you mean, the place to start is to talk about what you think is making you feel uncomfortable. If that's not what you're asking about, can you fill me in? Thanks!

It's oral and regular sex. I wish to pursue a actual like connected relationship, but I'm not sure he wants that type. We seem to connect on a physical and somewhat emotional level. He told me he tells. Me things that he doesn't even tell his best friend. We do tease each other ALOT, but I know it's because I like him. But I don't know if he likes me. I just want to know if he wants the sex or an actual relationship, because I can't read signs clearly. I don't know why I felt I felt uncomfortable with him at that moment. I'm usually so relaxed around him. At that moment I like panicked. Maybe I was expecting more. Like a gesture, a kiss, on his part. I don't know.

[Karyn]

Really, the only way to know what he wants is to ask him. Nobody else is going to be able to tell what he wants - that's something you're going to have to talk to him about. And yes, that can be awkward, especially if you've never had any practice talking about relationships or sex with someone else before, but it can be done and if you do feel like he's someone you're generally pretty relaxed around, that can tend to make things easier.

If you want some tips on how to get a conversation going, this article might be useful: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner