Scarleteen

Okay, so just to be clear, I am fully aware that your website and admins do not allow questions like 'how to know if you're pregnant' and stuff relating to pregnancy scares. This is NOT one of those questions, but it is related to the issue of unplanned pregnancy. It is my sincerest hope that I am heard and that someone can talk with me about this:

I am a 22 year old cisgender female in a monogamous relationship (about 18 months so far together) with a cisgender male. We are very much in love and our relationship is generally stable and mutually supportive. But like many other females experience at least once, I have that worry in the back of my mind currently. I have been experiencing nausea, unexplained mood swings, breast tenderness, and frequent urination. I am well aware that it's possible and at this time I know I need to wait a few weeks to take a test, which I plan on doing.
I am a full time college student who for all intents and purposes is financially dependent on my parents at this time. For most of the year I live at an apartment near my campus (i'm graduating in May) and stay with them on holidays and during the summer. After this, I aim to go to law school (not sure where yet, as I'm not done applying). I am positive that I am not financially or emotionally ready to have a child at this time. Another factor is that I have reason to believe that my family will be very unsupportive (I will be cut off in terms of college tuition money, and might even be disowned). They are not religious, but my father has some personal beliefs that are against being pregnant/having a kid young (my age or high school age). He also is not very supportive of abortion rights (not actively protesting or anything, but he tends to vote against pro choice stuff). Because of what I am dealing with right now, these facts make this possibility of being pregnant that much more tough. Of course I would take some time to think about all of my options, but based on my current situation, if I am pregnant at this time, I would most likely choose to have an abortion. I know this is controversial and have done a lot of research. I live in a country that abortion is technically legal, but in most of the nation (my home state included) there are many restrictions that increase the cost, limit providers, and make it harder to access abortion care. I know of at least one clinic I could reasonably get to, and could probably get the money, but due to the volatile political climate in my country, many protestors attempt to block buildings, harass patients, and even record them on cameras. It is very scary to think about. So, My question is in a few parts:
1. I have not had a conversation with my partner about this, as I do not wish to tell him unless and until I have a positive test result. It is my hope that he would be supportive, but do you have any suggestions on how (or if) to start this kind of conversation?
2. If I get a positive result and decide to have an abortion, what are the health & safety risks of this?
3. What can I do to protect myself and whoever goes with me (I would either ask my boyfriend or my sister to go with me, not just because of protestors but the clinic is also in a bad neighborhood) from harassment? I want to lessen the risk of being filmed or followed. I've considered wearing sunglasses and parking a few blocks away, but is there anything else I can do?
Any insight or advice on this matter would be immensely appreciated.

**I forgot to add this: I think it's relevant to add that I do not have regular menstrual periods due to hormonal contraception use

Hi again PrincessLuLu!

It really sucks that abortion comes under such fire in the USA and that you have to worry about your safety from the public when seeking a simple medical procedure.

1. With talking to your partner, I'd just stress that this is your choice so when speaking to him remember that you don't need to ask his permission you might rather simply be asking for his support. What I'm saying is that it's good to know what you want to get from talking to him and that will help you to know what to say.

2. If you catch a pregnancy this early and get a medical abortion, you would probably experience some disruption to your menstrual cycle for a couple of months and perhaps some discomfort closer to the time of the abortion which could include cramping and nausia. Otherwise it's very safe and a heck of a lot safer than pregnancy and childbirth at any rate.

3. It is such a tragedy that this is something you find yourself needing to think about. My advice here would simply be to talk to the clinic. They will know what sort of harassment happens or doesn't happen at their clinics and the best ways to deal with it. Many will also offer an escort service so that they will walk you into the clinic and help you navigate any negativity from anti-choicers (if there are any doing their thing nearby).

I hope this helps!

Thank you for your quick response and kind words. In regards to my partner, I've thought about talking to him for a while before I was even considering this possibility. It has just never came up but would like to know if he would be supportive. I think that's important to me. What do you suggest to initiate this conversation in a healthy way?
Also I can definitely utilize those other suggestions. I agree it is sad I have these additional barriers and that's why I'm so proactive about all of this.

Well, it sounds like you're having some worries now, so maybe that's a way to open this up. You could say something like "I've been having pregnancy worries on and off recently, and I realized it's important to me to talk to you about what decisions I'd make if I did become pregnant" and take it from there.

I do think it's helpful to do some of this thinking and planning so you can be prepared if you ever are faced with an unplanned pregnancy. It sounds like you do know what clinic you'd go to, so I wonder if you would find it helpful to either call them to ask a few questions about how they handle abortions (or look on their website to see if it's there) or schedule your next sexual healthcare exam there so you can talk to someone in-person? You could ask things like what procedures they do there, what the cost would be, how they suggest people handle protesters (they might have escorts to help with that), and other questions that might be on your mind. When I was able to become pregnant I had a similar conversation with my local Planned Parenthood so I could feel prepared and it was very helpful in easing my mind. I still had the occasional flutter of pregnancy worry but I knew what my plan would be and how I'd pay for it, and that made a big difference.