Scarleteen

How would one lesbian say to her lover (that she's in a relationship with, not just having a fling) that she wants to use a dental dam or other protection? Straight girls have the excuse for guys, "No, I don't think you have STIs, i don't think you're unfaithful, I just don't want to get pregnant"... or, "I just like how condoms feel" etc but lesbians only have the excuse "I think you have STIs" (AKA "I THINK U NASTY") I have verrryyyy bad social anxiety and i get anxious at the mere thought of having to say that to my lady... how would I do that without ticking her off? could somebody like spell it out for me lmao. thank you!
~Signed, A 17 yr old lesbian

Hi there,

The first thing is to reframe the request for yourself. If you ask to have safer sex, you're not implying that you think your partner has an STI (or that you think having an STI makes them "dirty"). You simply asking to take a reasonably precaution to make sex safer (and to make yourself more comfortable when having it).

As far as what to say, something like "I would like to use a dental dam/gloves/other form of protection when we have sex." A reasonable partner will not take issue with that. You can also make that request part of a larger conversation about the needs and boundaries each of you has around sex. This article might help you out with that as well: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner