Scarleteen

Okay so I am in desperate need of some relationship advice. I have been "talking" to this guy I really like since July and I'm not sure where exactly we are at in the relationship. We've been on some dates, we've been talking to each other almost everyday and seeing each other whenever possible and I just don't know what is going on. We both have told each other we like each other more than a friend about a week ago or so, but I am just not sure how much longer it is going to be until I'm officially his girlfriend. We act like we are dating by the things we do, but we aren't official yet and it's getting very frustrating. I understand that he is wanting to take things slow, but I really wish I knew where we were at. Like yesterday during the day he took me out to lunch before he went to work then after work he ended up coming over and watching a movie with me late last night and as silly as this sounds I still don't have any reassurance that he still likes me in that way or wants me to eventually be his girlfriend and I just really don't know what to do. I have a lot of feelings for this guy after all the things we've been doing together and spending time together. He makes me so much happier than any other guy I've been with and I just really want this to work. Any advice or what any one thinks of my situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I could make all the guesses in the world about what his feelings are, but it wouldn't do any good: the only way to know what he wants and where your relationship is at is to ask him. That might sound a bit obvious (and easier said than done - plenty of people find talking about relationships awkward or intimidating) but it really is the only way to figure out where you stand, and communication is a critical part of any good relationship, so the sooner you get in the habit of talking openly the better off you'll be.

Do you feel like you want a bit of help figuring out how to initiate a conversation with him about your relationship and what you both want from it?

Yes I would love some help. I'm not scared to communicate with him because I am comfortable with him, but I just don't want to make anything awkward with him or ruin what we have going on

I think it's always important to remember that we can't ruin anything by simply voicing our wants and needs. After all, if we put them out there and someone else either can't meet them, or doesn't want to, then nothing has changed except that we now know they can't or don't want to meet those needs or wants.

That said, I think it's also helpful to be self-aware when we're seeking any kind of reassurance or validation. Are we looking for something from someone they can, or should, actually give us? Or are we really looking for them to give us something we aren't giving ourselves, or should be giving to ourselves? For example, sometimes people want big reassurance very early on in a relationship because they feel insecure, or want to somehow shoot past the early part of relationships where everyone is pretty uncertain because we're just feeling things out and figuring out how we feel and what we want.

It sounds like this person has told you they want to take things slow, so that's obviously something you'll need to respect, and figure out, for yourself, if that's a pace you can also live with. However, asking that person where they're at with this in a respectful way, and letting them know how YOU feel, and asking how THEY feel, is something you can certainly do while not pushing this person to move things forward at a degree they're not comfortable with. Make sense?