Scarleteen

Hello users, I am a 21 year old male that is in a relationship with a wonderful 21 year old female who is on the pill (Apri). When we first started having sex i always used a condom but recently we have been using them less and less. I avoid finishing, without a condom on because having a child now is the worst thing that could happen to us; usually i fight it as long as i can then when im ready to finish i put a condom on.
.... However, it seems like i am the only guy in a monogamous relationship that still uses condoms with their partner. Some article and forum posts i've read online seem to poke fun of and even laugh at people that still use condoms while with a partner that is on the pill. I am not worried about STI's because I know we are both clean. So i guess my question is, am i being over anxious? I will never finish inside her, and she is good about taking it every night. So why am i so worried? I am more worried about it than she is!

finally: Is the pill and pulling out a very effective method of preventing pregnancy?

Thanks for any help

Hi there cromagnum38, and welcome to Scarleteen!

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are both taking an active role in keeping yourselves safe and preventing a pregnancy that you don't feel ready for at this moment. That's awesome! That's the first step, and a big one to get over for a lot of young people.

That being said, it sounds like after doing some reading online you're thinking about just using the withdrawal method with her birth control rather than condoms as well. At Scarleteen, we definitely advocate using two methods of birth control at once, just in case one doesn't work out. We have an article that talks about this exactly (The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method), and it calculates the general effectiveness of each of these combinations, with the difference being about 1.1% effectiveness with typical use. But, that's just a mathematical formula - that doesn't really make the decision for you about whether it's worth it or not.

I will tell you that while other people on the internet may be making value judgements about other people's personal choices about contraception, we don't find that helpful or productive. Whatever makes you feel protected and comfortable enough to incur some risk and still enjoy yourself is what's best for you - that individual choice may not be the same for someone else, and that's okay. There's no shame in taking an extra step to help the both of you feel safer.

Have you tried talking with your girlfriend about it? What does she think?