Staying hidden to stay safe

[AliceInCloset]

I know I'm not the only one with this issue, but is it worth it waiting to come out to my Roman Catholic Father after I've become independant? He doesn't take new news well, and I've known him to make insensitive jokes about people in the LGBTQA+ community (many of which I have confronted him on). My mom was not beyond understanding and learning (I am out to her), so I believe she will be a helpful buffer at the time when I do decide to come out to my father. Should I tell him sooner to get the healing and learning process started quicker, or should I wait and protect myself? If I wait and he's actually really nice about it, I'll feel bad for assuming he's not a kind enough person to understand me.

[Sam W]

Hi Alice, welcome to Scarleteen

You're right that this is an issue that comes up frequently for LGBTQA folks. One helpful place to start is this: based upon what you know about your dad, what do you think are the most likely reactions he'll have and what will the consequences of those reactions be? Are you prepared to deal with any negative fall-out from you coming out to him? For example, if you think he would kick you out of the house,then it would likely be safer to wait to tell him.

Too, if he turns out to not have a problem with it, you're certainly not a jerk for being cautious. When someone is generally negative about LGBTQA people, they're not giving anyone who falls within that community any indicators that they'll be accepting. Does that make sense?