Scarleteen

So a few months ago, I was blindsided by a breakup with my ex boyfriend. He never gave me a warning or said that anything was wrong. One day, he just randomly decided he wanted out of our relationship. We were only together a few months but I took it pretty hard. Even though we weren't dating long, I had strong feelings for him. But since he obviously wanted nothing to do with me, I was forced to move forward with my life. Fast forward to the present... we weren't friends on social media anymore because I deleted him after I realized seeing him on my news feed was torture. Yesterday, he friend requested me on Facebook. It was so random and threw me off but I accepted it. I'm definitely at a better place than I was a few months ago but now, I can't help but wonder why he requested me. It's a trivial thought in the grand scheme of things, but it's consuming my thoughts. Do you think he's just trying to get in my head and I pretty much gave him the go ahead to do so?

Hi Caligirl,

It's hard for us to know why he re-friended you, because we're not inside his head. The most straightforward way to find out what he's hoping for is to ask him. Assuming he wasn't prone to lying or manipulation during your relationship, he's likely telling the truth.

More important than his motives is how you feel about the situation. You mention you're in a better place right now, which is great! But have you had the chance to think about what, if any, relationship you want with him going forward (since it sounds like he might want at least a passing friendship with you)?

I feel like your last question here also begs this one: do you WANT to be connected to him on social media? If you don't, you certainly don't have to be, after all. None of us owes anyone any way of connecting or reconnecting we don't want just because they do.

So, if you feel like, in hindsight, this makes you feel too vulnerable, or just isn't what you want, you do get to change your mind and just disconnect from him again, with or without any explanation.

That's where I'm stuck. Part of me still wants him in my life because we were such good friends. The other part of me feels like this would be a terrible idea because I still love him. The whole situation is just very complicated. :/

Sam W wrote:Hi Caligirl,

It's hard for us to know why he re-friended you, because we're not inside his head. The most straightforward way to find out what he's hoping for is to ask him. Assuming he wasn't prone to lying or manipulation during your relationship, he's likely telling the truth.

More important than his motives is how you feel about the situation. You mention you're in a better place right now, which is great! But have you had the chance to think about what, if any, relationship you want with him going forward (since it sounds like he might want at least a passing friendship with you)?

I do. When I was going through my grieving process after we broke up, I deleted him and then added him back because I still wanted to be connected to him. But then I deleted him again because the wounds were still fresh. Now, having him on my page doesn't phase me.

Heather wrote:I feel like your last question here also begs this one: do you WANT to be connected to him on social media? If you don't, you certainly don't have to be, after all. None of us owes anyone any way of connecting or reconnecting we don't want just because they do.

So, if you feel like, in hindsight, this makes you feel too vulnerable, or just isn't what you want, you do get to change your mind and just disconnect from him again, with or without any explanation.

If it feels all right to you, and not too painful, to be connected with him on facebook, then it seems like an ok decision - and if your feelings about this change, you always have the option to either delete him as a friend or choose the option to hide his posts/filter your posts from his view in the future.