Scarleteen

So my boyfriend and I have just recently got into choking and like it's not like hard enough for me to stop breathing, just a little pressure. I was wondering if there are any hazards with this? Could he do damage if we're being safe?

Breath play of any kind is very dangerous, so it's pretty much never going to be a thing anyone working in any kind of health is going to get behind, but instead something to warn people about. Most people in the kink community feel the same. There also are not only health risks involved, but also very real legal risks.

Ultimately, what's advised for safe breath play, and is usually the ONLY way of doing this stated as safe, is just holding your own breath. Not with your hands on your throat, but the way you would when swimming. Anything else just is simply hazardous and isn't safe.

So, unless that's all you're doing, just holding your own breath, it already isn't safe. For this to be safe, that's the only way found to be so so far.

For more on that, this is an older piece from Jay Wiseman (a BDSM educator) that is still all true and important: http://www.telecomassociation.com/pubs/ ... s/aea3.htm

Sorry, Charlie.

About the only thing I would say, as with ANY play, is just be very vigilant with this when it comes to safety.

Still very dangerous though, hence why it's considered edgeplay.

I'm not medically certified, so don't take my word for gospel at all, but in the BDSM community I'm in, choking and breath play is pretty commonplace and a lot less taboo than certain other things, so maybe there's a cultural difference there.

Anyway. One thing I will say is please, please, watch out for your trachea. He can do serious damage if he grips in the wrong place. If he's putting any pressure, make sure it's not on your trachea, and more sort of...up into your jaw, or around the side of your neck (almost in line with, but below, your ears). ALWAYS have some form of safeword/action in place. The second you feel something is wrong, make sure you have a signal (e.g. pinching him, or tapping him with a certain finger, or snapping your fingers). That's generally what my partner and I do whenever verbal communication isn't possible between us: if there's a problem, I give him a sharp tap on the thigh (or pluck a few hairs, haha) and it stops. If I then need the scenario to end full stop, a verbal safeword and it's all over. Same as if he's worried about me, he'll use the word, and we can both discuss what's wrong. Communication is KEY when doing anything like this.

I'd also highly recommend getting to know your body yourself before your partner does anything to you. Know when your limit is, which pressure points feel good, as well as how long you can hold your breath for (but remember, when it's inflicted on you, often this time will be shorter).

But again – disclaimer – don't take my word as truth for this. I'm only forwarding information I was given in my own supportive community and between friends, and I am unsure what legal implications there are as I'm assuming you're in the States, where I'm in the UK, so things are likely different on that front. Just please, please make sure you are communicating, and that you 100% trust your partner.

That's about as safe as you can make it, I'm afraid.

Scottch, we're aware that this kind of activity is done by some people. It's not a cultural difference that's causing our response to be different to yours.

The issue is
- risk
- how severe is that risk
- how predictable and avoidable is that risk
- if the bad thing happens, what can be done to stop it being very bad

For any kind of choking, the answers to those questions aren't good. For a bit of context here, I'm from a background where folk (not me, though) do some extreme sports, so I'm not jumpy about risk itself. Those questions above, though, are key. People who do extreme sports responsibly put in a huge amount of safety precautions and training in order to address the answers to those questions and to manage risk, and they also know that if and when they don't do that is when bad results are likely.

With choking, the severity of risk? Death.
Predictable and avoidable? The problem is, it's not very predictable or avoidable. If oxygen supply to the brain is restricted - and it can be restricted via the blood vessels in the neck, not just via breathing - sudden death is possible, even within a few seconds, and without warning signs.
Stopping a serious problem becoming a tragedy? This can happen too quickly for any kind of action to help, even if someone right there is trained in CPR.

This isn't a safe activity, and there are no circumstances in which it can be made safe, or have its risks properly managed. As an org that does sexual health advice for young people, we're always going to strongly advise against any activity that has such a serious risk which can't be properly managed. Of course, it's up to any individual to decide for themself what kinds of risk they are and aren't willing to take; but people should be aware that with choking, it's not possible to properly control or predict the result, so doing it is a big, big gamble.