Scarleteen

Hello,
I am dating someone new - for about two months now, and while we have the best communication, and talk pretty openly about sex, I am having trouble asking him about the bump on his penis. He is very self conscious of his body and is worried about satisfying me. I think he is intimidated by my sexual experience and his somewhat lack thereof. Before we engaged in any kind of sexual activity (oral - because we haven't had vaginal intercourse) he got tested, as he has had partners before, just none of them too attentive or present. However when I put my face down in his business, I discovered this bump (that looks kind of like a wart - the lighting was low) on the shaft of his penis, about 3/4 of the way up (near the base of the head). I asked him what it was, and he said he didn't know what I was talking about. I said there's a bump on your penis! He said it's been there since I was born, is there a problem? I said no, I'm just curious, and I put it in my mouth.

We've since engaged in oral sex once more, however I am getting a little apprenhensive not knowing what this bump is. He went for a physical last week, and I asked him if his penis was looked at, and he was like a prostate exam? And I was like no I mean did you get looked at, you know, to make sure there's no issues, and he was like there are no issues! So I didn't get a straight answer. I don't want to create a dynamic where he is uncomfortable about his body, and I don't want to be like "hey I'm concerned if we have sex you're gonna give me HPV cause you have a wart on your penis." I mean how do you even say "wart on your penis" to a man you've been dating for two months that you very much like but who is very self conscious? Wart is such an ugly word. So am I crazy? He says he's had the thing since he was born. Could it really just be a regular penis bump? Do those exist? Is there a better way for me to tackle this? Because I would like for our downstairs businesses to get to it, I just don't know about this weird bump thing.

If he's been tested (a full screening will also include a visual exam), and is all clear, and has had this bump his whole life, then it's just part of the skin texture on his penis: people have random little lumps and bumps all over, including on their genitals. However, if you're concerned, then using barriers - including condoms for oral sex - is the way to go, and something we recommend regardless until both partners have had two clear screenings six months apart.

Per talking about it with him, should you want to do that again, there are likely ways to approach it that will be less confrontational (and that don't require using the word wart!). Framing it more as concern about his health, for example, is one strategy. I would also suggest stating clearly right at the beginning of the conversation that this is not at all about the way his body looks or his ability to satisfy you, but simply about ensuring that both of you are healthy, since part of making sex enjoyable for everyone involved means everyone taking care of their sexual health.