Difference between him and I

[ICantThink]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this question, and if not then I apologize, but I was just wondering why I get pleasure when my boyfriend fingers me but not when I do. I'm not talking about orgasm pleasure because I haven't had one, just it feeling good I guess. I've only tried it myself once or twice and I'm honestly not that big on the idea of masturbation just because I don't find it appealing in my own opinion. I was curious what it felt like from his perspective and in the mood but I didn't find any pleasure from it. I was honestly feeling bored actually, which is completely different from when he does it.

Anyways, probably too much information, but I'm just wondering why it feels different.

[Jacob]

Hi ICantThink,

Thankfully I wouldn't say that was TMI. So long as we stick to proper relevant language we should be fine with that.

I think the key to this is really the point that our minds play a massive part in our sexual pleasure. When we are with a partner who turns us on, with whom being close and intimate is exciting, our bodies react and can become more open to pleasurable sensations. This means that some things, beit fingering or hugging can just feel a whole lot better when it's with them.

Hopefully this answers it .

[ratperson]

In my case, things my boyfriend does feel better when he does, even though I can do much of it to myself as well. I have the advantage of being able to adjust to whatever feels best, but he has the advantage of about three years of observing my every reaction (I give a lot away physically about how my body feels) and being able to adjust accordingly. Things he has tried that haven't worked as well as when I do them (my particular form of masturbation is tough for him because his fingers are too long to achieve the proper angle, for instance) feel pleasant when he does, but in a different way. I can have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms. The first I give myself, the second he gives me.

Both of us were virgins with no sexual experiences whatsoever (he had kissed girls before, I hadn't even held hands with a guy yet), so when we started experimenting with touching, everything felt way better when he did it than when I did and he said the experience for him was the same. I think it might be the novelty of another person having a sort of 'control' over your nervous system and being able to cause reactions. You have to open yourself up to that, and it feels very intense the first few times because it's unfamiliar. Additionally, I have mild SPD (from a concussion, but I had some symptoms before the concussion) and my skin has always been extremely sensitive, so that helps too. I'm glad that as time has gone on, the sensations have become more familiar but no less pleasurable.

[Mo]

I think some of this can just come down to what you said about masturbation - if you don't find the idea appealing, it's not likely to be that enjoyable to you. Like Jacob said, our minds and mental engagement are a huge part of sexual pleasure.

Even types of sexual touch that feel really good during sex won't necessarily provoke those feelings when you aren't already aroused or are actively bored. So if you're touching yourself when you aren't that excited about masturbating at all, it's not likely to do much for you. And that's ok - maybe masturbation just isn't going to be a big part of your sexual life right now, and that's not a problem.