Periods & Sex

[nessy01]

I am 15 nearly 16 and I haven't gotten my period yet. I am a little worried that I may not just be 'a late bloomer'. Even though I haven't gotten my period yet I feel as if I'm ready for sex. I have fingered myself before but I found no pleasure to it and I could only do one finger. I tried two and I couldn't fit it because it just seemed to hurt too much. So I was curious to know that since I haven't gotten my period yet, will it hurt even more when I lose my virginity, compared to a girl that has gotten her period before?

[Heather]

So, penis-in-vagina intercourse, if and when that is something you should choose to, actually should not hurt, period.

When it does, it's usually because of one or more of the following things:
- the person with the vagina not being turned on enough and/or being nervous (which also limits how turned on someone can get and how well a body can respond to arousal)
- the person with the penis being too hasty or aggressive
- partners not talking throughout to know what to do or adjust so things do feel good
- not doing enough other kinds of sex before intercourse that the person with the vagina really likes so that they are really turned on
- not using a lubricant or not using enough lubricant
- the person with the vagina anticipating/expecting pain (when we expect anything to be painful, it is more likely a thing will be)
- the person with the vagina doesn't actually want to, or feel a real desire of their own to, have that kind of sex at the time

This isn't about having periods or not. Lots of people who don't have periods, for any number of reasons, don't experience pain with intercourse, and plenty of people who have them do.

When you are doing what you are with your own fingers, in that list up there, can you find anything you're missing? Like, are you using lube? Are you sexually excited before you even out a finger in your vagina and excited during? Are you doing that because it feels good and you want to, or because you have the idea you have to in order to later have intercourse?