Scarleteen

so recently i made a new friend. or at least, i think i did.
when i was a sophomore she was a junior. i'd see her in the hallways and i always thought that she was a cool person and i wanted to get to know her or hang with her.
this year rolls around and i've been talking to her at art club. i don't really know much about her and she doesn't know much about me either.
we don't have any classes together and art club and snapchat are the only ways we talk to each other through.
i feel like i've been annoying her. i know this sounds silly but she's opened some of my messages and haven't said anything back. im not mad or anything like that (i sometimes don't like or know how to respond back to people and she has a life and other friends and interests.) again, we don't really know each other so i shouldn't expect her to be so into messaging me and talking to me all the time.
anyway, i thought she was this super cool person in my head (ugh guess that was me idealizing her) and now im not really thinking about her the same anymore.
i don't want to come off as annoying or overstep her boundaries and i don't want to get my feelings hurt or feel like im wasting my time.
im thinking of avoiding her. (no messaging her, and no talking or asking her questions... only if she talks to me then i will answer) because honestly i feel like im the one who is doing the 'reaching out' part and she's just sitting there not seeming too interested in it or not wanting to take part of it.
also it's like i don't want to come off as too weird or too invading or even desperate. if someone i barely knew tried talking to me and asking all these questions and messaging me, i'd want to not hang with them. i guess.

Hi lomiedahomie,

It sounds like you're trying to be sensitive to her boundaries as well as acknowledge your own feelings around the friendship, both of which are really smart, kind things to do.

You mention feeling like you digital interactions feel imbalanced to you, or you worry that you're bugging her. What are your in person interactions like? How do you feel about the dynamic there?

Too, it might help to think of it this way: there's a period in transition of two people from acquaintances to friends where one or both of them has to be a little forward (asking to hang out, inviting them to parties, sitting with them at lunch, etc). That doesn't mean you should keep pursuing a closer relationship with someone if they're giving you signs they're not interested (or telling you to back off). And not every acquaintance can be turned into a friend. But some of that awkwardness or unsureness you're feeling is likely due to you putting out your feelers to see if this person will work as a friend.