Questioning Relationship

[Memekid]

I've been dating a guy which I had met on KidzWorld (He was 15 then.) for three years and counting. It's all good and well, but now I find myself wondering if the relationship is actually a good one, even if it has actually lasted this long.
He always tells me how important I am while coming up with creative ways to say it like in very big speeches. My BF even sends over pictures of flowers sometimes. He also takes the time to come up with imaginary date scenarios and we do romantic roleplay.
I haven't sent over pictures for a few months, but he never minded that. Whenever we did video chat, he tells me im attractive even when I was in pjs and messy hair and we only do video to hear each other's voice and everything. My boyfriend told me once that we'll have to wait years before we can actually meet in real life and that he'd love even when I'm old.
I'm asking this question since I'm quite worried that my relationship isn't quite like everyone else's. I know not all relationships are the same, but I have suspicions that he's actually an internet predator even though he just turned 18 this month. What to you guys think?

[Heather]

I think it's always very important that we all pay attention to our feelings and concerns, about anything. You are expressing concern that this person may be predatory. I'm going to assume -- because it usually doesn't -- that's not coming out of nowhere, but is based on feelings you have developed during the course of your interactions. Our gut feelings are often a really good guide, sometimes the best guide, for making choices.

Can you fill us in more on why you're having these concerns? If it helps to have some places to start, you could think and talk about:
- any way you perhaps have felt pushed to do something (like be on video) by this person
- how you two first started talking and interacting: how did you find each other, and who was pursuing the interaction most?
- ever feeling like he was asking for a lot of information about you or of your time, or asking for certain things too fast
- any hinky feelings about him really being who he says he is, telling the truth about things, or any possible hidden motives you worry about

It also sounds like it might be wise here to talk about this in the context of your household. This is the first time you're bringing it up, and I would expect, given the reactions there to masturbation, your mother discovering or knowing about you interacting in some ways, period, or with someone who is a legal adult when you're not, would not go well for you and could create even more problems.

[Memekid]

I never felt pushed at all except only for one time. We met on a Kid friendly website called Kidzworld and he did alot of the interaction but I also said some things. In our chats nowadays, We do equal interaction. I don't think he asked too much information as we learned about each other over time. He tells things about himself too but hides himself during video chatting- I didn't ask why though.

[Heather]

Well, certainly, someone for years, apparently, asking a person (you would have been 11 at the start of this, right?) for one-way video chats only and never showing you their face is a pretty giant red flag. Do you have this person's legal name and address, anything to verify that, at the very least, they are the age they are telling you they are and who they are telling you they are?

[Memekid]

He sent me pictures of himself once. I do have his name and know where he lives.

[Heather]

Okay. And when you Google that name, what do you find? Do you find things -- like say, a Facebook account for this person, maybe something from their high school, etc. -- that verify this person is at least very basically who he says he is?

[Memekid]

He only has a Google account since he deleted his Kidzworld account after he claimed he didn't need it anymore.

[Heather]

And, when you Google his name, do you find anything besides the Google account with a photo of him attached to that name that looks like the photo you have?

[Iwanthelp]

Google has a reverse image search feature, running images through that can show if a given picture crops up anywhere else - some people just grab pictures that aren't theirs to build a fake profile like that. Seconding that the video chat thing is a massive red flag, it's harder to fake a different appearance through that medium.

[Memekid]

He sent three photographs of himself that had he exact same appearance. In his profile picture, its just a motivational image off the web somewhere.

[Heather]

Again, what he sent you isn't relevant. When you Google his name, what do you find? What about his address?

Really, I would suggest if you are going to keep talking to this person at all you insist on a video chat where you see them, NOW. If he refuses, and you also can't find anything else online to support he is who he says he is, I think it'll be pretty clear that's because he's not. And you should then end all contact immediately and for good.

[Memekid]

He's actually been absent for a whole month. A lot of people share the same name as him too.

[Memekid]

So, we ended up talking and I told him my suspicions. He was apparently on a mobile device which didnt have camera or at least one that worked. He seemed okay when I said I wanyed to quit the relationship, before i took those words back. My BF said it was net issues causing him to be gone for the whole month. I told him to quit most of the sexual behavior before i ended the chat.

[Iwanthelp]

That's still pretty suspicious to be honest, it wouldn't be hard to lie about an inability to use a webcam (that and it sounds like you managed to leave initially but he roped you back in?). What was the 'sexual behaviour' you asked him to quit?

[Memekid]

Roleplay and stuff

[Redskies]

I would agree with Iwanthelp that this person having yet another "reason" for not showing his face is very, very suspicious.

I can only repeat what Heather advised above, that
- if you cannot find, when you google search his name and address, evidence that he is who he says he is
- if he will not show you his face on video (which you've just said he will not)
you cut all contact with him and prevent him from being able to contact you, immediately, for your own safety.

[Memekid]

We had another chat and I sent him an article on Internet Predators. He even sent me a screenshot on him being on the page, I still heavily suspect he is lying even when he tried his best to console me and told me he cried while we argued the other day.
Because of him, Ive been feeling greatly depressed for two days so far when im supposed to be enjoying my time off from school.

[Sam W]

Given that interacting with him is causing you to feel depressed, that's yet another reason to cut contact with him (and set up a self-care plan for before and after you do that). What steps would you need to take in order to do that?

[Memekid]

Usually I would just do my usual interests. Ive felt better after spending some time without him and after analyzing our relationship, I would like to make it up to him. Im not sure whether it would be the best thing to do after all I posted on this thread.

[Memekid]

To be fair, he does treat me better than a lot of guys do and he does the best to solve any problem I have. In alot of chats, I even felt incredibly alive whilst talking. He may be lying, but I have no definite proof.

[Karyn]

It's up to you how you want to proceed from here. You came here expressing concern and hesitation about this relationship, three staff members have stated that his behaviour raises red flags, and made recommendations about what you can do with that information. I'm not sure what else we can tell you at this point. I would recommend - as Sam, Redskies and Heather have - that you cut off contact with this person, but again, you are the one that needs to make that decision and follow through with it.