Scarleteen

Hi, I just found this page a few moments ago and thought it would be a good place to just let loose and be honest to maybe help myself just figure things out.

I'm 16 and currently identify as straight, and I don't have much experience with relationships overall for starters, so I can only speak from my experience from crushes and so on. I go to an all-girls school and so before I had few guy friends, only recently meeting and getting to know some more, but I'm a bit really very awkward so I'm only really comfortable with guys around my oldest friend (he's like family, though).

I had a crush on a guy when I was younger (like, 10-11), and when I saw him I felt butterflies and definitely knew I liked him. However over time that died out because nothing happened. Now I met another guy who I know likes me and my friends keep egging us on but I don't think I feel the same way about him. I feel like I should be in a relationship with him but I just don't think I like him in that way.

Now, I have this other really good friend at school, who's a girl. I don't know how to describe it, but around a year ago I started having weird feelings for her that I can't really put into words. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to look good around her. I would feel pretty nervous around her and wherever I went I hoped she'd be there. I still feel kind of like that now - I always wonder what she thinks of me and I kind of became obsessed with that. And then, around a month or so ago, she came out to only me and another friend as bisexual/lesbian (she's still not sure). We were completely supportive as we actively talk about LGBTQ issues and, as a group, we are really accepting and open minded people. It didn't change my view on her as a person at all, obviously, but it made me hope even more that maybe she liked me, though it embarrasses me to admit it. And then I started wondering if I actually had a crush on her this whole time. But I didn't think I was bisexual.

Another experience I had is at a party a few weeks ago. Another girl friend of mine, who I think is out as bisexual, took my hand and started dancing with me, before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek. This got me really excited and made me really happy. But, I'm not sure if it excited me because I might like her, because she was a girl, or because I've never kissed someone before (I know, like I said, I'm awkward and don't know many people).

As a side note, I would kiss a girl, and try a relationship with a girl, just like with a guy. I really appreciate the way girls look as well.

I'm not sure if I'm just going through a phase where I'm confused or willing to experiment, but I am sure of the feelings I had for that girl and the moment in the party. It's weird, but I don't want it to seem like I'm trying hard to be different and cool(?) by identifying as bisexual, and make it look like I'm just a straight person ashamed to be straight. It's stupid, but I just wish I was for sure, and I'm wondering if anyone in this community is willing to perhaps help me sort things out based on what I've shared here. Thank you so much.

Hi BGJ,

From the feelings you're describing, it certainly sounds like you experience attraction to more than one gender, which fits most people's definition of bisexual. However, you ultimately get to decide which identity term feels right for you. It can also help to remember that if you identify as bi now and, as time goes on, find that doesn't quite fit anymore, you can adjust how you identify. The way I always talk about it is that you identify based upon the information you have at the time, and you sometimes get more information as you move through life. But that doesn't mean your past self was wrong or faking how they identified: they were doing the best they could with the information they had. Does that make sense?

I think you might also find these articles helpful right about now: The Art of Getting Bi
Bi the Dozen: A Bisexuality Quiz

Hi, and thanks for replying.
What you said makes complete sense and gives me some relief. I realise now what I feel I am now won't be set for life as I discover more and more about myself with more experience.
Thank you so much for the comment and articles - it helped a lot and I feel really reassured!

You're welcome, I'm glad they helped!

Lots girls or boys goes through a stage of been BI-Curious when growing up, some will just have a crush and some act on it and have a relationship of what ever kind with a person of the same gender.
So what ever your sexuality just go with it and dont try to fight it.
Be proud of who and what you are. And dont let it get to you.
Hope all works out for you.
X

I wouldn't say everyone goes through a bicurous stage at any point in their lives but I do love the enthusiasm and positivity naturegirl!

Hi BGJ! There's a lot of orientations you could have, and you're going through a phase of figuring it out. Relax, be safe, and enjoy. I suggest that you research and really think about what you want before going out and experimenting, whatever you decide.

Good luck! This can be a great stage of life if you let it!