I'm 16 and currently identify as straight, and I don't have much experience with relationships overall for starters, so I can only speak from my experience from crushes and so on. I go to an all-girls school and so before I had few guy friends, only recently meeting and getting to know some more, but I'm a bit really very awkward so I'm only really comfortable with guys around my oldest friend (he's like family, though).
I had a crush on a guy when I was younger (like, 10-11), and when I saw him I felt butterflies and definitely knew I liked him. However over time that died out because nothing happened. Now I met another guy who I know likes me and my friends keep egging us on but I don't think I feel the same way about him. I feel like I should be in a relationship with him but I just don't think I like him in that way.
Now, I have this other really good friend at school, who's a girl. I don't know how to describe it, but around a year ago I started having weird feelings for her that I can't really put into words. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to look good around her. I would feel pretty nervous around her and wherever I went I hoped she'd be there. I still feel kind of like that now - I always wonder what she thinks of me and I kind of became obsessed with that. And then, around a month or so ago, she came out to only me and another friend as bisexual/lesbian (she's still not sure). We were completely supportive as we actively talk about LGBTQ issues and, as a group, we are really accepting and open minded people. It didn't change my view on her as a person at all, obviously, but it made me hope even more that maybe she liked me, though it embarrasses me to admit it. And then I started wondering if I actually had a crush on her this whole time. But I didn't think I was bisexual.
Another experience I had is at a party a few weeks ago. Another girl friend of mine, who I think is out as bisexual, took my hand and started dancing with me, before leaning in to kiss me on the cheek. This got me really excited and made me really happy. But, I'm not sure if it excited me because I might like her, because she was a girl, or because I've never kissed someone before (I know, like I said, I'm awkward and don't know many people).
As a side note, I would kiss a girl, and try a relationship with a girl, just like with a guy. I really appreciate the way girls look as well.
I'm not sure if I'm just going through a phase where I'm confused or willing to experiment, but I am sure of the feelings I had for that girl and the moment in the party. It's weird, but I don't want it to seem like I'm trying hard to be different and cool(?) by identifying as bisexual, and make it look like I'm just a straight person ashamed to be straight. It's stupid, but I just wish I was for sure, and I'm wondering if anyone in this community is willing to perhaps help me sort things out based on what I've shared here. Thank you so much.
