If I'm hearing you right, you are worried that this guy is the only person, in the whole world, who will love and accept you (if he does) because you are a rape survivor? That no one else but this one guy could or would do that?
I have a lot to say here (some from the perspective as someone who works with people with these issues, others from having been there in a bunch of ways myself way back when). I'm just going to toss it all out and dig in. Maybe read it like you'd read a letter from a friend. You don't have to take it all in at once if you can't or it doesn't feel helpful to you, and you also obviously can do with any of it what you will. I'm also glad to talk in more detail about any of it you'd like to, or talk with you about possible options and next steps. Just ask.
First things first. I can absolutely promise you, with a 100% guarantee, that for any of us who are sexual abuse or assault survivors, or who have survived other things, like being in the system, that there is way more than one person in the world who will love and accept us if we let them and open ourselves up to them. I PROMISE that this is not the only person who will do that, again, presuming that is even what this person is doing and has done.
I PROMISE more than one person on earth can -- and will -- love and accept you, including accepting you as a person who has survived abuse and trauma.
I really need you to know that, because if you don't know and believe that, no matter what goes down with this, it's going to be awfully hard for you to get through otherwise.
I say that bit about his love and support being a maybe not to make you feel bad. That's the last thing I would want to do. But the very, very hard truth (and man, is it hard) is that predatory people have, unfortunately, an easier in with anyone who is extra vulnerable, and who believes, for example, that no one could possibly love them or accept them. And predatory people know that about us and often also know how to use it to their advantage. They know how to validate that wrong idea so that we let them in and keep them in.
Now, I can't know much for sure about this guy, especially since it sounds like you know so little yourself. But I can know what you already know, and what you have shared here. I can know that you were informed, he was charged with a sexual abuse of someone vulnerable, something he himself has verified, even if he's suggesting it somehow wasn't bonafide (which would be highly unlikely, from what I can tell with the story he's telling you). So, I feel like we both can know that it is more likely than not this person has been predatory with his nephew, at a minimum. I feel like we both can know that it sounds very likely this person got started abusing vulnerable people pretty early on in his life.
I think also can know that you just do not feel totally safe with him. When you say that you are afraid to ask him for the truth and don't feel comfortable asking him about something that is so hugely important to you (which, if he really did understand your trauma and its impact on you at all, he'd also understand), that tells me that you don't feel totally safe with this person. And that the relationship you have with him can't be that good if you can't talk to him about some of the things that matter the very most to you. That's something we can do, even when it's difficult, when we feel safe with someone.
I know, too, that this is someone who you feel kind of rescued or saved you in some ways. Now, I don't know if he actually did that or not, or if you're just seeing it that way because he's the only person you had around during that time. But I do know that when we view someone like that, when we give them that kind of place or role in our lives, it is often very, very hard to have a healthy intimate relationship with them. (That's why there are ethical boundaries, for example, about people being someone's therapist while also their spouse, family member or friend.) It's also super hard to see them very clearly because we can feel so grateful to them, and like we owe them everything. We can feel like it's even disloyal, in a way, to do things like ask them for the truth, question them, or even to doubt them in any way.
As well, it often takes some time -- and often a lot of work, like in therapy or other ways of processing our trauma -- for us to learn how to even spot danger if and when we've grown up in it, which it sounds like you have. When danger, predation and/or abuse has been our normal, it's much harder for us to see it coming, or even see it when we're right in it.
I actually think your gut feelings
are helping you here, but that maybe it's just -- understandably -- super hard to believe them or even deal with them. Reading just your posts here, I hear a person who seems to sound pretty clear that they do not feel safe, healthy and happy in a relationship, but obligated, fearful, worried, distrusting and very stressed out. And I think those feelings are all very valid here, and that you'd serve yourself best by paying attention to them and heeding them even though I understand that what that means is also very scary to you, especially if you feel like this guy is your only shot at love and acceptance, and/or that HE got you through what you got through (rather than you doing it, which was probably more the case, as it nearly always is).
So.
This is all really, really hard stuff, obviously, including some of what I have said here, even though my intent isn't to hurt you or make you feel bad, but to do what I can to support you and help you out.
Assuming you want to talk more about this with me (you certainly don’t have to), it’s probably best to just check in first about how any or all of this makes you feel, and if you’re doing okay with those feelings, or need some help first just coping with them.