Nervous about sex

[princess]

I've been dating a guy for about 6 months. He's really good about not doing anything I'm not comfortable with, and when we started dating, it was with the knowledge that I wasn't comfortable with any form of sex. Lately though, I've begun to feel more comfortable with it, and I know that makes him happy, because I know he wants to.
Well, the other day, we had an opportunity, and he went to finger me, but I couldn't do it. I feel bad, because I know he wants to, but I freaked out about it and wouldn't let him. Was it just nerves getting the better of me, or am I really not ready? I felt like I was, but now I'm not sure. Is this normal?

[bikinksterboy]

well it's more a matter of whether you want it. did he ask first?

[Heather]

BiKinksterBoy: this is the area of the boards, noted above, for users to post who want staff replies only. Please keep your responses to the rest of the boards. Thanks!

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, princess.

So, no one needs to feel bad about not wanting to do something sexually someone else wants. Because what people want can be so different, and is often so situational, that's going to happen between sexual partners anywhere from every once and a while to a lot.

And when we're well-adjusted people, we're all okay when we want to do something but a partner doesn't. Sure, it can be disappointing, but disappointment shouldn't be that big of a deal. We can all feel that and be totally fine, and will also usually get over that feeling pretty fast.

I can't say why you didn't want to do that when he didm, because it could be a million different things. Maybe that particular activity just wasn't something you were excited about doing that day, or wanted to do for yourself at all. Maybe you were just in a space where you didn't want to be sexual period, that day. Maybe something about his approach to that, or the way he asked for it, wasn't working for you. Maybe this is an activity you just don't feel ready for. Who knows!

But instead of starting with worry about him wanting something you didn't, or feeling like you HAVE to want to do something when a partner does (again, you don't, because no one does), why don't we center this on you. Sometimes it can help to do this: even if this isn't an activity a partner of yours was wanting, does it feel like something you, yourself, are excited about doing and feel a sexual desire to do?