Scarleteen

I'm a 15 year old asexual with aspirgurs syndrome who does not feel sexual attraction towards others, but lately I've been frustrated. I know that masturbation is completely natural and healthy for someone my age, but it doesn't seem to be working for me. I've tried just about everything that had already been listed on your site (and others), and nothing seems to be working. I can get aroused, but besides that I can't exactly feel anything, I even tried using a massager to help, but I gave up after trying for an hour. The biggest issue is that I can actually be aroused for no reason and I can't actually do anything about it, I've read that asexuality can make it difficult to experience arousal and I'm wondering if that's just it or if it's something else.

Welcome to the boards!

When you start masturbating, do you already feel very turned on and into it? Arousal is mostly in the mind rather than in the body, so I'm checking that we're starting on the same page about that

Yes, usually the reason I start is because I become aroused... At first it sort of feels good, but after a few seconds I can't feel anything.

Okay. I'm going to ask a few more questions, because there can be various things behind something like this, and we can never know the answer straight away So I'm not intending to be intrusive! If any of them do feel too much for you to want to answer, that's absolutely fine.

You said "recently": have you experienced a change with masturbation, or is it fairly new to you? if there's been a change, has anything else happened in your life, like any major life changes, increased stress, any new or changed medication?

When you masturbate, are you in a place that feels comfortable enough and private enough for you?

How do you feel in your own body, generally? Do you enjoy other ways of being physical, of being in or moving your body? What kinds of things - of anything - do you enjoy doing, or give you pleasure?

I've been trying on and off for the past 5 months or so, it wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that I started doing it whenever I felt aroused and had the chance (when no one was home besides me). I've tried it on my bed, in my shower, and bathtub. As for medications, I don't take anything prescription, but I do, once in a while, take herbal medicine. The herbal medicine was recommended by my doctor because my dad (even though I live with my mom) refuses to allow me to get anxiety medication for religious reasons. I myself did extensive research on what I take, but I only do take it after I have an anxiety attack, which have been happening less and less. The only thing that actually gives me pleasure would be reading (and yes I've tried that too).

It might help to think about masturbation as something we simply do to express our sexuality alone in a physical way. That doesn't have to be about genitals at all, and it certainly doesn't have to be ONLY about genitals.

If you're getting hung up on the genital part, or on looking for something to happen that isn't, rather than just enjoying touching yourself, I'd suggest just starting my exploring your body, the whole thing, with your hands when you feel sexual desires. See if you can't even leave your genitals for last, if you want to go there at all, or just do this a few times -- just exploring the rest of your body -- without touching your genitals. That might help you get some experience just enjoying how things feel in the moment rather than feeling like it's something that does or doesn't "work," or where you're looking for some kind of result besides just having the experience itself, whatever it is. Does that make sense to you?