Update on my 14 yr old daughter

[Carla MCG]

So my 14 yr old and her boyfriend have been having intercourse for the past two weeks and so far everything is going fine. Shes on bc and they have been using lube and condoms everytime. Since they are both each others first time partners my daughter is now asking about not using condoms anymore. I've always been a big believer in two forms of bc so I'm wondering if getting them spermicide would be just as effective as the condom. It's an interesting journey seeing your kids navigate their first sexual experience however she knows the importance of being safe and she's not afraid to bring up touchy subjects with me. I told her I'd ask on here before she makes any decisions on the condoms.

[Sam W]

Hi Carla,

Thanks for the update! We're big believers in continuing to use condoms even when people are monogamous or otherwise have a low chance of STI transmission. One of the main reasons for that is, as you noted, two highly effective methods of birth control are better than one. Too, if the bc method she's on is the pill, young people tend to have lower rates of effectiveness with that method overall, so continuing to use condoms is a good choice in case she has a slip up or two with that method.

[Carla MCG]

Sam thanks for the reply and you do bring up some really good points. She does have a gyn appointment next month to maybe get on a more effective bc. In the meantime I will just get them a variety of different condoms to see if they find some they like better than the ones they are using now. I'll take her condoms shopping over the weekend Thanks for your help! Carla

[Redskies]

Adding an extra thought here: it might depend why your daughter or they both are considering not using condoms any more. Sometimes that can be to do with how it physically feels, in which case, yes experimenting with different brands and types is definitely the way to go. Sometimes, especially if people are fairly new to condom usage, it can be because it's seemed awkward and fumbly because it's still so new: if that's the case, then the pair having some private practice with condoms - maybe on an object - when they're not actually being sexual can really help, because it's an opportunity to get more comfortable with the skill. (It can also be an opportunity for fun and hilarious bonding!)

Sometimes, it's about feeling like condoms might be making things less intimate, or the idea that condom usage isn't part of a "serious", stable or trusting relationship. That's all false, but there are a bunch of pretty common myths around those ideas, so if any of that's in play, what might help is to do some de-bunking. If that does apply here and you need any resources around that, there's a lot of helpful stuff on our main site which should come up if you search.