Scarleteen

Hi. This was actually something that struck me yesterday regarding my sexuality and I'm wondering what you think about it. I am actually confused as to whether or not I'm attracted to a different gender, the same gender, or both, or if I'm asexual and it doesn't help that that uncertainty has been there all my life. Basically, I'm worried that I'm forcing myself to be heterosexual.

Things really got worse when a former friend of mine once talked about what women were "supposed" to like (mostly Female Gazey stuff, which just doesn't do it for me. Male Gazey stuff doesn't do it either, of course) and I just felt further alienated. So 2013 -- when it happened -- was the year I had a sexuality crisis. And then there was a guy who was attracted to me, but I got cold feet for the dating scene. I just chickened out.

Fast forward to now and there is a guy friend in my life who really is just a sweet man, and...well, I think I've developed some feelings towards him just because of how sweet he is. He's a complete gentleman and fun to be with and funny and he's a writer too, which helps. And I'm wondering -- would I be moving too fast? Am I forcing myself before I'm sure?

What do I do? What do you make of this? (Sorry if I make no sense; I'm very anxious)

Part of the process of dating is just figuring out how well you like someone as you get to know them, how well you fit together, and how/if you want the relationship to progress. You don't have to start a relationship with someone only when you are entirely sure about things, and in fact I don't think you ever really can be sure until you've spent that time with them. You're really the only person who can judge what moving too fast feels like, so if you do want to pursue something with this guy I think it's important to be aware of how you're feeling and communicating with him to make sure it's a pace you're comfortable with.

Do you have a sense of why you think you might be forcing yourself, here? It sounds like you are feeling some genuine interest, and that doesn't sound like a situation of force to me.

Thank you. Really. I definitely feel better about all this. As for forcing myself...I don't know, actually. I guess I'm wondering if I'm doing it because he's kind to me, or if there is something there. But I think I am feeling something. A bit of shyness here and there, and definitely not the unpleasant kind either. And he's always been there for me in regards to stuff like me having anxiety attacks (I've always had them, and in adulthood they've gotten worse) and just a cool person. So...I may be developing genuine interest in him.