Working my way up to it

[Deborah]

I'm a 21 year old woman, I've been dating this man for about 3 months and we started being sexual together on the third date (I felt like I could trust him very quickly.) Before that I had only ever kissed people.
We have manual and oral sex which I enjoy (although it doesn't seem to be as easy for me to come as when I masturbate.) However, we quickly discovered that attempting penetration with fingers or his penis was painful for me even though I felt like I was aroused. At that point I had never put anything in my vagina. I started to worry about vaginismus or a problem with my hymen.
Well recently something has changed and he's now able to put his finger all the way inside me and finger me without any discomfort (it is a weird feeling though.) Also I bit the bullet on my last period and tried tampons for the first time and I succeeded very easily on the second attempt with very little discomfort. I don't think anything physical has changed - I think it might just be due to my getting more comfortable with my body and my boyfriend. Anyway I was very happy and relieved that I don't seem to have a medical problem after all.
However - attempting PIV still hurts me, although I am aroused. I think this may be because the penis is obviously much wider than a finger or a tampon and my vaginal opening has never stretched that far before. I have been thinking about working up to fingering with two or more fingers to prepare me for intercouse. Do you think this would work? Do you think the problem is more physical or psychological?

[Jacob]

Hi Deborah,

That method sounds like it could work! It just depends on your body, so if you try it you can see what works.

The body and the mind are both pretty well conected... especially when it comes to sex. So whether it's primarily physical or psychological, both angles are going to be at play. Lubricant is also another factor.

Here's a great article on the matter: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse