How to figure out your gender

[Catherwren]

I've been questioning my gender, and I'm unsure how to go about it. When I was questioning my sexuality earlier this year, I just thought about who I like. It was a pretty easy process for me. But I don't know how to go about figuring out my gender.

[al]

Hi there Catherwren,

Have you read anything here on Scarleteen about gender that's been helpful to you?
I'm thinking specifically about things like:
Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer.
Trans Summer School: What's the Deal With Gender?

[Catherwren]

Yeah, I've read those articles, but they don't really help me

[Heather]

Well, can you talk a little more about what's going on with you? How have you experienced your gender so far? What does it feel like there is to figure out?

[Catherwren]

I've always though yeah I'm a girl, but now I'm thinking I might not be. But I just don't know what I might be. I think I might be demigirl, but I just don't know how I can know.

[Sam W]

To make sure I'm hearing you right, it sounds like you're feeling that your gender is somewhere in the nonbinary area?

If you're feeling like demigirl feels right, have you had much of a chance to read accounts from people who have that identity? Sometimes hearing the experiences of other people who've gone through the process of figuring out their gender can help you clarify your own.

It might also help to take a little of the pressure off yourself to have this figured out right now. That might feel a little counter intuitive if much of you is going WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON. But the truth is that some people's genders take on multiple forms throughout their life. Sometimes that process ends in them settling on one that feels the most right, for others there will always be an element of fluidity. I think this article might be helpful right now:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... e_a_bummer

[Catherwren]

Yeah, I've read some accounts of demigender people, and some of it fits what I feel.

[Heather]

You know, identity words and frameworks are kind of like a pair of shoes in this respect.

We see a pair we like and that seems like it'll fit our needs. So, we get them. But then we have to wear them around for a little bit to find out if they actually do fit us, if they do fit our needs, and if they do, after a little while, still feel like what we want.

So, if this term and framework is what seems like the best for you right now, your next step is just to live with it for a little while and see what you think over time.