Nuns and Sexuality: An Oxymoron?

[Mary2016]

I'd like to start off by saying how much I enjoy this site - I see a lot of people asking great questions and getting very helpful answers. My question is more of an ongoing conversation that I've been having with myself and I thought it might be helpful to get some outside perspective!

I'm a young Christian woman and I have, for some time now, considered the call to religious life. This would mean that I eventually would be a Sister (yep, a nun!) Perhaps it seems bizarre to see an aspiring nun on a website dedicated to sexual health, considering nuns take a vow of celibate chastity. That's exactly why I'm writing today! I think the idea of "celibacy" might seem to many like a rejection of ones sexuality. Sisters and nuns are humans and our sexual identities don't disappear when we take our vows. I very much recognize that I still have a sexual identity, I just keep in mind that when I do take a vow of celibacy, I'll have to think about new ways to channel that part of my life!

Another subject that often comes up in my vocation journey, is the misrepresentation that because I am choosing celibacy for myself, I view other sexual expressions negatively. I am fully aware that many Christian denominations have imposed negative - and some very hurtful - views on sexuality. I would hate to think that when someone sees me in a habit one day, they may think "this is not someone who can I truly be myself around." My views (and the views of many many religious Sisters) are centered on acknowledging the integrity of all people, their uniqueness and the importance of giving all people the opportunity to be their truest self without fear of discrimination or reproach.

And so my two "questions" are:

1: How do/would you channel your sexuality if you were living a life of voluntary celibacy? What are some ways someone could stay true to their promises (in this case, a vow) to live celibately while still acknowledging that sexual desire is part of who we are as humans?

2 How could I, as a Sister one day, help make people of all backgrounds feel like I am someone who is happy to discuss sexuality in an honest and respectful way? In other words, what could I do to make others feel safe when opening up to me - despite the stereotypes that Sisters are close-minded and naive about human sexuality?

Thank you to all who reply! I look forward to a great conversation and I hope to learn from all of you.

[Sam W]

Hi Mary,

The first suggestion I have is to talk with some sisters, of various orders if you can manage it, and ask them these questions. They'd be able to give you a much better perspective on how one balances sexuality whilst also being a nun. In the meantime, I'd suggest giving this interview a read. It's done by a feminist author and is a really thoughtful conversation about being a nun: http://www.theestablishment.co/2016/02/ ... ith-a-nun/

Something else I think is helpful is that there's actually a wide variation in how nuns engage with politics around sexuality. Some nuns are very close minded, but others are very open to accepting everyone (and a number are very politically active in some radical causes). I'd imagine that the way to signal you're safety to people is through your actions. That may mean that people take some time to open up to you, but if they see through your behavior that you truly do accept people's sexuality they'll be more likely to confide in you. Does that make sense?

[Heather]

I also wanted to quickly run through here and make sure that you knew about Sister Margaret A. Farley, because if you don't, sounds like she'd be right up your alley!

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/05/us/si ... tican.html