I've used Scarleteen as a resource for a long time, but I haven't yet had a question unanswered already. I wasn't sure which topic this question would go under when pertaining to any sexual intimacy, not limited to intercourse. To the point--I've been dating my boyfriend for five months and recently closer touch happened between us. After that, we've discussed openly sexual acts that we do and do not want to partake in, but we're afraid of anyone finding out. We don't want to have penis-in-the-vagina sex, as we say specifically, but we fear that if anyone found out we could lose friends and impressions on other people.
I'm sixteen, I can accept who I am, as can my boyfriend, and as said we talk openly. He fears that people could think he's dating me for sex, and he's afraid for me that people may call me a slut (need I mention I am Asian, which we are both aware is a race known for...say, more cooperative women, while he is Caucasian). I wonder if we're not ready to advance if these thoughts make us hesitate? Is it bad to do things like this when we're still young and haven't dated for a long time? And also, would having barriers just in case be a good idea and okay to have at our age? He wants to ask a friend for help on accessing contraception, to avoid any STI transmittance, but I feel nervous about doing that if someone knows our thoughts, even if we both trust him. I understand this may be confusing, because my thoughts are muddled and I'm not sure of myself right now. In general, is this situation appropriate for our relationship as it is, and would it be okay to continue on?
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Am I Ready Yet? Is it taboo, or should we not?
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al
- not a newbie
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- Location: Colorado
Re: Am I Ready Yet? Is it taboo, or should we not?
Hi there Lex0600, and welcome to Scarleteen!
It seems like you have a lot of thoughts buzzing around in your head, but let me just say first off, it's a really great thing that you are taking the time to decide whether or not you're ready to have sex. Since you've been around for a while, I'm guessing that you've already looked at Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist. If so, have you found that helpful in terms of deciding whether or not you're ready?
To answer your questions about having sex at the age of 16, there is nothing wrong with having sex when you're young if you feel ready for it and prepare yourself! Whether or not someone should have sex has everything to do with their own relationship and desires, not anyone else's. And that speaks to your concerns about what other people will say - who do you think would find out? Do their opinions on your relationship matter to you? Have you heard people around you being judgmental or shaming when it comes to other aspects of your relationship?
Lastly, in terms of protection, we do usually recommend using it if possible to mitigate any risk of pregnancy and/or STI transmission. Is there a way that you could get some barrier methods without going through a third party (as that idea seems to make you feel uncomfortable)?
It seems like you have a lot of thoughts buzzing around in your head, but let me just say first off, it's a really great thing that you are taking the time to decide whether or not you're ready to have sex. Since you've been around for a while, I'm guessing that you've already looked at Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist. If so, have you found that helpful in terms of deciding whether or not you're ready?
To answer your questions about having sex at the age of 16, there is nothing wrong with having sex when you're young if you feel ready for it and prepare yourself! Whether or not someone should have sex has everything to do with their own relationship and desires, not anyone else's. And that speaks to your concerns about what other people will say - who do you think would find out? Do their opinions on your relationship matter to you? Have you heard people around you being judgmental or shaming when it comes to other aspects of your relationship?
Lastly, in terms of protection, we do usually recommend using it if possible to mitigate any risk of pregnancy and/or STI transmission. Is there a way that you could get some barrier methods without going through a third party (as that idea seems to make you feel uncomfortable)?
Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, only in contradiction to what we know of it. -Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully
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Lex0600
- newbie
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- Age: 24
- Awesomeness Quotient: My expectations won't match yours
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: feminine pronouns
- Sexual identity: Unique
- Location: America
Re: Am I Ready Yet? Is it taboo, or should we not?
Thanks for answering quickly, al! It's a great surprise (and it's amusing to find we share similar names in origin, albeit off topic).
I personally haven't heard any shaming in our relationship, although my boyfriend hears that about other relationships from people he hangs out with, whether he likes it or not. We've also had a mutual friend ask only my boyfriend if we've had sex yet or had any other actions, and if I wear "cat ears." It may be obvious my race worries us, though it mostly concerns me. Thanks for those questions in response, I'll consider them and think it over. That actually helps me alot, and I thank you again.
I personally haven't heard any shaming in our relationship, although my boyfriend hears that about other relationships from people he hangs out with, whether he likes it or not. We've also had a mutual friend ask only my boyfriend if we've had sex yet or had any other actions, and if I wear "cat ears." It may be obvious my race worries us, though it mostly concerns me. Thanks for those questions in response, I'll consider them and think it over. That actually helps me alot, and I thank you again.