Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by KittyPink »

Anyone have ideas, because I'm not able to get things easily?
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
snailshell
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:41 pm
Age: 35
Location: USA

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by snailshell »

Oooh friend I gotta send you a bunch of links once I'm off mobile. For now:

1.) safety is the priority! Using things for bondage that aren't intended for bondage can be dangerous, so when in doubt be conservative and patient (even when it's annoying)! Don't take shortcuts - cuffs or rope not designed for safe bondage play can really hurt you. Always keep safety scissors on hand, never leave a person alone in bondage, and do your research on un/safe positions, stress points, etc.

2.) be intentional! Identify what you like about bondage and see if you can recreate that without fancy equipment. Is it the control, the helplessness, the feeling of having something to struggle against, the visual of someone tied up? Knowing what you're looking for makes it easier to find.

3.) remember that the most erotic zone is the mind. Psychological bondage can be just as hot, if not more. Forcing someone to hold a pose - with a threat of punishment if they move - can be effective and fun. ("Don't let go of the headboard," "don't close your legs," etc.) Or ordering someone to make no noise instead of not moving. Using a strip of paper or fine thread to "tie" wrists/ankles together or to something else - with a threat of punishment if the paper is torn or the threat broken - is also fun. Blindfolding someone creates a lot of the same sense of helplessness and gives the other person control over their movement without any true bondage.

And just holding someone down with your hands or grabbing their hair is an age old standby! The submissive partner may need to "role play" a little if there is a strength differential, but all kinky play requires some aspect of fantasy and suspension of disbelief.

4.) creative options, when safe, are usually available. Scarves and ties work well (just make sure you are following safety guidelines - I can share some links once I'm off mobile.) don't use anything you would be upset if it got lube on it or got stretched out or had to be cut off in an emergency. You can even slice up an old t-shirt for wide fabric straps.

Do NOT use duct tape or electrical tape, but try finding bondage tape (you can order it online). If you want the visual of shibari (artistic rope tying), you can use any rope or string or yarn available as long as you tie it loosely and use it for "decoration" rather than bondage. Don't tie it tightly - rope that's too thin or rough can really hurt someone when used for bondage.

Think also about the furniture you have available. Bedposts and chairs with armrests are easy to be creative with. NEVER suspend someone or make someone put most of their weight on something not intended and tested for that - but you lie someone on their back and tie their ankles up to a closet rod or ceiling beam; or put them on their knees and tie wrists up to something above. Again, don't do any of this until you're confident in your technique and have clear communication strategies about keeping your play safe.
Mo
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 2287
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: he/him, they/them
Sexual identity: queer/bisexual

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by Mo »

You want to make sure that what you're using is something you can either untie or cut quickly if you need to. Materials that have stretchiness to them, or that are very thin and ribbonlike, can make knots that are very hard to untie, and can also cause injury, especially if used to tie/bind someonetoo tightly. In general I think it's a good idea to be very much on the safe side in terms of keeping knots and restraints very loose as you start out.
It's good to always keep scissors around in case you need to untie someone in a hurry, and to not tie things so tight that it's hard to get the point of a scissor blade under the rope/etc in order to cut it if that's necessary.

I see that snailshell mentioned this as well, but there are ways to play around with this where the bondage is more mental than physical. It's frustrating to not be able to access materials you want, but it's better to make do with what you have or get creative with other ways to address the same desires than to be unsafe.
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by KittyPink »

It's mostly the helplessness, the physical feel of the binds, the struggling and visual. I love it when I can't do much but struggle.
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
snailshell
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:41 pm
Age: 35
Location: USA

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by snailshell »

As in most things, at least part of the solution is communication! If you like the feeling of something to struggle against, that may take some strategizing between you and your partner. Most people - rightfully! - take struggling on their partners part as a signal to pull back. "Resistance play" is a tricky area to navigate. Make sure you and your partner have a safe word that you BOTH trust, so your partner can safely let you struggle without worrying if they need to step in or let up. That way, things like having them hold you down - pinning your wrists down or using their weight on top of you to hold you down - can happen, you can push against them to your hearts desire, and they know to just let you struggle.

Simple ties, like hands behind the back with a scarf or other wide, soft fabric, can give you plenty to struggle against without creating much risk or needing special equipment.

And there's always the psychological aspect, again - make it clear to your partner that this is a turn on for you, and they can use their words to intensify or highlight your struggle. Saying things like "go ahead and struggle, there is no escape" or whatever relevant dirty talk gets you going can help bolster the feeling even if you can't afford an epic bondage dungeon setup. You can also "struggle" psychologically by using resistance play language -but again, this takes lots of communication and precautions about safety. Being able to hear or say something like "please, no more" and keep going isn't something that everyone can do.
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by KittyPink »

True, what if my partner isn't always readily available. Any solo tips?
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
snailshell
not a newbie
Posts: 27
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:41 pm
Age: 35
Location: USA

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by snailshell »

Solo bondage is VERY dangerous - do not do it! Consider instead masturbating while reading an erotic story about bondage or looking at bondage porn. You can simulate the sensation of having something to struggle against by wrapping yourself up in a blanket, wearing tight clothing or doing something with your clothes like putting both legs into one leg of pajama pants or taking a shirt off halfway so that it covers your head and shoulders (never use something you don't want to stretch out) - but NEVER tie yourself up on your own! You could cramp, go numb, fall, or otherwise get into a situation where you can't get yourself out. You could experiment with tying just your ankles to bedposts or tying your legs together with soft fabric options discussed above, but always make sure you can easily reach and untie or cut them off. NEVER do bondage on anything above your waist without a partner, and NEVER try anything with suspension or breath play on your own. People have died experimenting like this. It sucks, but some things need either a partner to help or to stay in the realm of fantasy.
KittyPink
not a newbie
Posts: 378
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:11 pm
Age: 24
Awesomeness Quotient: I do art.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: Xe/Xir or She/her
Sexual identity: Lesbian, switch, polyam, rope addict.
Location: Parma,Ohio

Re: Unsure of things to use for bondage.

Unread post by KittyPink »

I'm aware of solo play dangers. (I.e. Why I veer away from it. Oh, and it's just unsatisfying.)
"You are a dreamcatcher, you are beautiful to look at and you take the bad away and only give people the good." - Andrea Blankenship

***Transfeminine***

LIVE AND LEARN
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post