Scarleteen

Hi there! I currently have the Paragard IUD, in addition, my husband and I use condoms and spermicide each and every time. I'd like to add one more form, do you think a diaphram is ok, or could that pull on the strings and cause it to come out? Is there anything else I might be able to buddy up with?
I have a beautiful 2 year girl, but it was a rough pregnancy, she had numerous birth defects that required surgery and while she's healthy now, I'm working thru anxiety as a result. I'm simply not prepared to embark on it again, and abstinence would probably be bad for the marriage.
Thanks for your help!

Ultimately, adding that method isn't actually going to give you any more protection than you already have. Ultimately, once you're using two methods, especially when one of them is as close to 100% all by itself as it gets (your IUD), adding more just isn't going to add anything except one more thing that costs money, and one more thing to do. As well, cervical barriers are generally not suggested for use with an IUD.

I'm so sorry that you have been through what you have, and I'm certainly not surprised to hear about the emotional impact it had on you. You know, it really is okay to opt out of sex that can create pregnancy when it's so rough for someone. Marriages not only can do just fine without that one kind of sex, many do even without it being about trauma. Too, if you don't really want to be having that kind of sex because of these feelings, it's unlikely that it is benefitting you or your relationship anyway, you know?

Have you talked with your husband about these fears and feelings, and talked through your options together? Have you asked HIM how he'd feel about just taking this one kind of sex -- there are so many other ways to be sexual! -- off the table because of how you're feeling? Assuming he loves and cares for you, I can't imagine he'd want you to be a) doing something that cues your trauma and creates extra anxiety for you when you already gave been through so much, and b) would want you to be choosing between your mental health, basically, and...well, to be really frank (and not particularly couth, so apologies, I just don't know how else to put it) about it, just giving him a place to put his penis.

After all, again, this doesn't sound like something that's really about intimacy or mutually benefitting your relationship if it's not something you feel okay doing right now and if it's something that adds to your already considerable mental health burden.

(Btw, if it would help to talk to someone who has also been through a very scary pregnancy and infancy, one of our staff has recently been through that, so I could ask if she'd pop in here, if you like. Too, if you need help getting connected with other means of support related to this situation, we can help you look for that, too, be it online or in person.)

Thank you very much for the reply. I think I have to agree, it may be time to abstain for a bit. I just wish things were different and I could revert back to the "old me," the me who had faith in BC. Perhaps it's time to get creative and explore other intimacy options
Please offer hugs to your staff member. The NICU world was one that I never thought I'd be a part of, for me it existed on tv. I'm currently seeing a therapist and we are using a therapy called EMDR, it's designed to treat patients with PTSD. I hope I'm not coming of as dramatic, i know people have been thru much worse!! But my anxiety is mimicking ptsd symptoms I guess. My little girl is strong, healthy and sassy! I should use her as an inspiration for strength.
I have another question regarding plan b and withdrawal bleeding. I can copy and paste in a new post, if that's the case, just let me know. It's a pretty straight forward and I'm surprised that I can't find a real answer online. I'm due for my period in two weeks. I took the plan b pill on Thursday (so mad that I did this, my anxiety won in that battle, grrrrrr). And yesterday (Sunday) i started bleeding, very heavy and chock full of clots. When should I expect my next period? In 2 or 4 weeks? Is it like my body is resetting itself? I should note, my IUD is non-hormonal.

Hi Merida,

I am so, so glad to hear that your little girl is okay, and huge hugs to both you and her for all you had to go through.

To your question about plan B, there's no way to predict exactly when you'll get your next period. A side effect of Plan B is that it can throw off your cycle, so your next period may also come at a weird time. But, like I said, that's a pretty normal outcome, so not cause for alarm.

Hi Merida,

It looks like your questions have been taken care of so I'm just popping in to say hi! As Heather mentioned I had a difficult pregnancy, that became life threatening, and as a result my little girl was delivered at 29 weeks. Although it was an extremely scary time, I found comfort in talking to other parents at the hospital and being able to support one another. So I wanted to let you know that I'm here if there is anything you ever want to discuss or if you just need to vent with someone who has had a NICU experience. Just shout!

I hope I'm not being too personal, but it sounds like you are beating yourself up a bit about experiencing anxiety, especially because your little girl is healthy and doing well. My baby is doing well too, and I am thankful for that, but there is not a day that goes by that I can look at her without being reminded of all that we went through. And it would be a lie to say that doesn't affect me now. What you have gone through is a traumatic experience! It's okay to need time, space, support...anything really, to work through all of those things! I definitely don't thing you are being dramatic.

I want to cosign what Ashleah and Sam said: what you've been through is earnestly traumatic, and, as people often do with any kind of trauma, you're having post-traumatic responses to it. That's not being dramatic: that's just being human.

Ashleah suggested extra support (on top of directly offering it to you). I'm wondering: do you have good support with this, including the impact it has had on you? How has your husband been about it? Other family? Friends? Any support group the hospital may have suggested?

Talking to friends and family or connecting to a support group or social worker at the hospital, as Heather suggested, are awesome ideas. Here are some more resources that might help:

http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/help.htm
http://www.solaceformothers.org/
http://pattch.org/
http://www.postpartumprogress.com/
http://www.tabs.org.nz/thewayahead.htm
http://www.postpartum.net/
https://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles ... trauma.asp
http://www.professional-counselling.com ... rauma.html
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1011239/ho ... atic-birth

And here is an article that could be triggering, so proceed with care, but it is about other women in your situation - check it out if you think it would help to know that this is a known and documented issue and you are not alone: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archi ... th/408589/