Gay, but thinks some boys are cute

[Catherwren]

So, I'm quite sure I'm gay. I find girls attractive and I want to date them. But sometimes, I see boys and think they're really cute. But I don't want to date them. So am I still gay?

[snailshell]

If you're "quite sure you're gay," then...well...you're gay! You don't need anyone else's permission, validation, or approval for your identity.

It is entirely possible to find people "cute" without wanting to date or even have sex with them! Attraction is a wide spectrum, and recognizing that something or someone is aesthetically pleasing is a far cry from being sexually or romantically into them. I am a straight woman, but I can recognize when a woman is beautiful, and sometimes even find myself captivated by an especially gorgeous woman, but that doesn't make me gay.

Remember also that women are socialized from birth to be attracted to men, so growing up in a heteronormative society is bound to leave some residue. That does not take away from your gayness or threaten your identity, it just means you have been influenced by the world around you.

So next time you see a boy you think is cute, just relax and enjoy the lovely view. You don't need to question or prove your identity or sexuality, there is no test to make sure you are "gay enough" - you are gay, you are attracted to girls, you want to date girls, end of story.

[Mo]

I'm in agreement with snailshell here; who you find attractive doesn't necessarily impact your sexuality, and a feeling of "this person's cute" isn't always the same as "I'm attracted to them." I certainly find people idly attractive but don't feel a real attraction to them, if that makes sense!
I've found that some people find it useful to talk about finding others people aesthetically pleasing vs. sexually attractive; not everyone has a super clear distinction between the two, but if you do, you might find that to be a helpful framework to use when you're thinking about attractiveness.

Ultimately you're the best judge of your orientation; as you say yourself you feel really sure you're gay so there's really no room for us or anyone else to argue with you.

[Heather]

It might also help to remind yourself that while you get to define these terms however you like, when the framework of sexual orientation was really developed, "homosexual" was defined as people who are either solely or primarily attracted to people of their same gender. So, even when people are pretty traditional with how they use these terms, there's always been room made for the fact that people's attractions, especially over a lifetime, rarely fit neatly into very strictly defined boxes.

[KittyPink]

It's like me not quite being sure I'm pansexual when I originally thought it out. (Although, I'm starting to lean towards being a lesbian with my current dating trend. Too many guys being assholes because of me being a trans girl, that or being fetishized, like my ex boyfriend.) So, I could understand how it feels.

[Catherwren]

Thanks everyone.

[Heather]

That's what we're here for!