Sexual Identity Crisis

[Emjones2]

I have a question about my sexual identity. Im 14 and female and I've never had a relationship. I have always kind of thought I liked girls but I was never really sure. I also like guys though so I did some research and learned that was considered bisexual. I'm also religious so I don't plan on having sex until I'm married but I do know that whenever I masturbate I think of girls instead of guys. I also wouldn't want to have sex with a guy but rather a girl. I've never really had a crush on a girl but I have thinked that some are hot. I'm not sure if this is bisexual, bicurious, or straight. I also don't know what it is even like to kiss someone so I honestly need some guidance. Please Help!

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, Emjones.

Ultimately, a word like bisexual -- or any other word to describe what we call our sexual orientation and/or identity -- is just a word we decide to use to describe one part of ourselves. Whatever word or words we choose are ideally just about those words feeling like they describe that part of us decently.

So, this stuff is never a matter of someone else telling you who or what you are, or about a term that will describe you forever and ever, through all your life. It's just about choosing a word for what you know so far and what feels the most right right now.

If you aren't sure a word fits you, or doesn't yet, or you don't want to use it, or use it yet, then that's just not the word for you, which is fine. You don't have to have one, or a certain one, and "I don't know yet," is a perfectly acceptable chain of words for not knowing yet or feeling sure about it.

But we usually feel more scared of or impatient about that then we probably should because of other things, namely social issues of various kinds.

It might help to just start with one area of this and ask yourself what you feel having a word for this part of your sexuality will give you. Sometimes when we do that, we can find things a word wouldn't have given us anyway, and things we can get without having a word or having one specific word.

Get what I mean? If it feels like you HAVE to know right now (even though you don't), why does it? What do you think a word, or a given word, would give you that feels so urgent?

[EmilyDeeDubs]

I have similar questions, and I'm 27 and have had many relationships! Sexuality can be a difficult thing to fully grasp for anyone, because it has so many aspects and any one of them can change on you. It sounds like you're doing a good job asking questions and considering answers. Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide what label to use, and Heather is right that there's no need to pick one immediately-- or even to stick with the one you pick! Maybe try using 'bisexual' for a few weeks to describe yourself to yourself and see how comfortable it feels.