Scarleteen

I just really solidified my orientation as not-straight after questioning for years. I have a lovely boyfriend who is also not straight. He goes to a boarding school and we see each other every so often, but we use facebook and texting to keep in touch. I've known him for a long time, as our parents are friends. I did have a crush on him for quite a while before we got together, and it was kind of a dream come true.

However, recently I've been having this fantasy of an imaginary girl. It sounds kind of ridiculous, I think. We go on adventures and stuff and she's my girlfriend (It looks even stupider typed out than it did in my head).

My relationship with him is still amazing and I do love him, but I'm not sure that I'm in love with him. I know he'll be one of my best friends forever, and I am attracted, but really, can anyone compete with someone who's imaginary? I know she's not real. It's not like that. It's just she turns up in every daydream and he turns up in fewer daydreams than before.

I'm ending high school in a bit and I know I'll want to split before we head off to college (and I'm dreading that), and we won't be together forever. I want to be with him now, but I feel like I'm cheating every time I think about this person that doesn't even exist and I literally made up to be perfect by accident once.

This is kind of strange. I'm sorry.

Its' not cheating (Like you said, they don't exist - it just qualifies as having a fantasy at this point), I recall doing something similar as a teenager and I think the driving force behind it is having a safe outlet to explore orientation or just...sexual/romantic whatever in general (I could type up a whole cringe compilation about what sort of fantasy-people I had in my mind years ago but tl;dr: Sonic characters. Lots of Sonic characters). Sort of lets you test out what works for you in a safe to the point of 'no possibility of rejection or backlash' environment if that makes sense? Like it can feel pretty weird in hindsight but honestly, you're not the first person to do it.

I've found reading through the submissions on closetedlesbianopinions.tumblr.com handy for recognizing these kind of things myself. Like maybe as you realize your attraction to girls its' manifesting this way?

Thank you. Yeah, Closetedsapphicopinions.tumblr.com is actually my favorite blog, haha (don't worry, the mod has permission from the first blog). I'm really glad to hear that you did something like this too... Like I figured as much, but reinforcement is good? Thank you so much honestly.

Well, it is not cheating, it is just a fantasy, if you are feeling ok with that why would stop?