Scarleteen

Hi guys,

So this month- the two times (middle of my cycle -and a day before it's end), I've had sex I've ended up having to use the morning after pill (levonelle) because our condoms have slipped off and my boyfriend failed to tell me. The second time I'd taken it was later on the day (what I think is) my period had started. I've had lighter bleeding than usual, but just as painful and it came around it's expected time. I was wondering though- how effective would the pill taken the second time (the day my period started) be in preventing pregnancy? And are there any side effects of taking so much synthetic hormones on the day of a bleed? Also having sex and then having a period would mean I wouldn't be pregnant anyway right?
I'm actually very upset I had to take MAP, I didn't ever want to be put in a position where I could be potentially risking my health or even getting pregnant at the moment- and my boyfriend didn't seem to care.

Thanks for the help x

Welcome to the boards.

If you want to talk about either setting limits with your boyfriend or, if you have done that and he just ignored them, want help leaving this relationship, know we're available for that kind of help or support, too.

The MAP doesn't get less effective the more often it's taken, and there are not any differences or increased risks of using it because of taking it while having a period, nor is it any less effective when used during a period.

Thank you Heather- that's reassuring. I just wasn't sure that having unprotected sex the day before getting a period could rule out pregnancy entirely, so I had to go get the pill to be safe.

I really hate that he didn't tell me at the time, I'm not sure what the next step in our relationship is given that I can't trust him- during sex anyway.

I understand! And by all means, while pregnancy is very unlikely to happen from sex right-right before a period starts, it's not technically impossible, so since a pregnancy wasn't something you wanted, that was a smart move.

I take it you have already told him how you felt about this? If so, how did you feel about his response? Did he make clear that he knows what he did was not okay, outside your boundaries, and that he knows he's going to have to rebuild trust with you?

Do you even still want to be with this guy?

Exactly, I just wanted to be safe.
I explained to him that he couldn't do that and put me in a position like that especially when neither of us could manage a pregnancy. He made it clear that he was sorry but it all felt quite like an empty apology when he said 'that's why you can just get MAP and don't worry I don't even think I came', I pulled out. I don't think it's right that he could be do indifferent and I'm not sure what to do now. Crying doesn't help

I agree with you: that was a crap response, BIG TIME. I'm glad you feel upset about it -- though I'm sorry this happened to you and that you're feeling so bad -- because I'd be pretty concerned about you if you thought it was okay.

Do you want to talk about your options with this relationship, as well as how you feel about it more generally -- like, is it other wise super-duper awesome, but strangely, with this one thing your boyfriend is acting like a jerk out of nowhere? Or, is it not so amazing in general, and while this stuff may be crummier than you'd expect, it's not a huge departure from how things generally go with you two?

(Perhaps obviously, if you don't want to talk about it, you can ignore my questions!)

It helps talking about it so thank you so much.
Quite generally we're otherwise pretty happy and things are fine so the response I got really did unnerve me, it was such a cold apology, I thought he'd take it better and be more sorry about it. Is that irrational of me? It was such a huge change for me and of course adding to a list of things I have to deal with at the moment- stressing about a pregnancy I couldn't manage and a uncaring boyfriend isn't ideal for me. How should I go about it of he's acting so badly about this? Out of nowhere

I don't think it's irrational.

I mean, I see it this way: if HE was someone who could become pregnant, he would not likely be so flippant about this, and he would probably be pretty upset, too. Him not putting himself in your shoes -- since he can't become pregnant like you can -- means he's not being very compassionate or thinking like a partner, per being someone as invested in someone else's cares as he is his own. Like I said, I'd hope you'd be upset about that. Being intimate with someone who does not seem to be very concerned when they put us at risk of something THEY are not at the same risk of is pretty scary and precarious, after all. It also certainly is going to tend to leave a person feeling pretty alone in something they're not supposed to be alone in, if you get me.

Is this a relationship you feel like you really want to stay in? If so, have you explained it to him like I just did up there? If not, and you do want to see if he can't find a way to really get this and turn it around, maybe try that?

Or, maybe do you need some time to figure out if this is something you want to stay in or not? It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, so one option that might help you anyway, could be to ask for some time apart so you can both figure out where you want to go from here and also take one thing off your plate that's stressful while you have a heavy load.

If you're feeling more like you just don't know, have you seen this? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... hould_i_go

It might be a goodie for you right now if you're feeling really lost on where to go from here.

Tell him to grow a vagina before he talks.

Hey DulceDiva, we really appreciate it when users step up to help others, but we do ask that contributions to ongoing discussions like this be constructive, and that you check in with the original poster to make sure that they're open to input from others. (Telling a partner to "grow a vagina before he talks" for example, isn't likely to accomplish much, and is pretty aggressive.) Please keep that in mind in the future. Thanks!