How do I "take control"?

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Angeldelight123
not a newbie
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 5:44 am
Age: 25
Location: Scotland

How do I "take control"?

Unread post by Angeldelight123 »

Hi there,
Usually when I have sex with my boyfriend, he likes to be in control (which I love!) for example, he likes to choose what positions to do etc, and he's really good at being dominant like what you see in sexy movie scenes :D However, recently he suggested that I should try being in control next, but I am unsure how to do so :( it's really embarrassing because he's coming over to my house this weekend and I don't want to make a fool of myself, I want it to be sexy and i just want the moment to flow, but I really do not know how to be dominant or in control, any advice?? I really hope this makes sense. Thank you!
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9637
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
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Location: Chicago

Re: How do I "take control"?

Unread post by Heather »

Ultimately, if you both are agreeing to whatever it is you are doing (which we always all need to be for sex to be consensual), you both have always BOTH been in control.

It sounds like what you are asking about is about (again, hopefully consensual and negotiated) topping. He usually tops when you do that kind of sex play, and now he is asking you to.

So, first up, do you WANT to be in that role? Is that a kind of sex -- you topping -- you, yourself actually want?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Angeldelight123
not a newbie
Posts: 87
Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 5:44 am
Age: 25
Location: Scotland

Re: How do I "take control"?

Unread post by Angeldelight123 »

Hi heather! Thank you for replying.
Yes, I really want to, but I just don't know how to because I'm always used to my boyfriend taking the lead, so that's why I'm asking for advice on how to switch roles.
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9637
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: How do I "take control"?

Unread post by Heather »

Okay.

So, I think a good place to start will be with your own desires. You say you really want to: so, when you feel that want, and close your eyes, what do you picture in your imagination? In other words, how do you see yourself in this? What feel like ways for YOU to top that feel and seem good to you?

Too, when your boyfriend tops, how does that usually go? How do you two negotiate this? However you do will likely be the same way you do that when you swap roles? How does HE tend to check in with YOU throughout? Does the way he does that with you feel like perhaps a place you can start to begin to figure out what your own way of doing this will be?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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