Isn't this sexual assault?

[RabidHamster]

This is just an example, didn't happen to me in real life. But I've heard about it and it pisses me off.

A woman is giving a guy oral when he randomly pushes/rams her head down and holds it there, even as she tries to pull back. I mean if you are resisting a sexual thing, even pulling away a bit, they should not force you to stay there. Does no mean no except when it doesn't?

How is it not reasonable for the woman to think a guy would have the common sense to ask before making her gag on his dick? Is the unpleasant sensation of gagging something he could not possibly understand?

It's like guys are thought to act which ever way they please sexually and women are then blamed for not setting the boundaries. Why isn't setting boundaries and communicating with your partner about what you want to try considered something both men and women do?

Some guys like teeth during oral, I guess the woman should bite away if he hasn't told her not to.

How many guys do this, guys in general?

[Ruth]

Doing anything sexual without your partner's consent is always sexual assault, yes. No always means no - more specifically, a lack of a freely given, ongoing 'yes' is a no.

We can't know how many men do these behaviours, however I have to ask what aim you had in posting this - did you want to rant about these behaviours, or is there something we can help you with?

[RabidHamster]

I am concerned about the type of behavior that people appear to think is normal for a guy:
Pressurizing
Sexual Abuse (she is partially to blame if she was teasing him)
Selfish, thoughtless conduct in sex

It makes me wonder if I can expect much from guys if this is how they're taught to behave.

[Ruth]

The thing is, you can set your expectations as high as you like - and so you should. While there are a certain number of men who do exert pressure, victim blame and act thoughtlessly during sex, there are a plethora of men who don't - and there are no excuses for those who do. While there are some horrible cultural messages directed towards men and how they can act, each and every one of them has the ability to rise above those messages and act decently.

Furthermore, I wonder who's telling you that this is normal behaviour? I would wonder about them and the messages that they've received, because this is exceptional behaviour, not usual behaviour.

[Heather]

It might be helpful, as Ruth left you with, to get a sense of who the "people" are that you are saying are telling you what is and is not common or normal sexual behavior for men. Especially since a lot of what I hear you voicing here is not what we know to be common male behavior.

In other words, talking about "guys" and what they do or think seems to be where you are focused here, but it sounds like what is really at the bottom of this is what messages you are getting from people's expressed ideas to you - or your own ideas - about men rather than how you are actually observing men behave, or having them express to you themselves about their own behavior and ideas.