Scarleteen

So, my boyfriend and I were sexually active quite frequently but, there was a time when I asked him to get off me so I could re adjust and he just simply, plain as day told me "no". I didn't know how to feel because, he told me he loved me and I figured with love comes the ability to make your significant other. Then another time, I told I didn't want to do anything because there was family in the house and he said ok but within a minute he snatched my dress up, got on top of me with all of his weight and yea. I didn't realize he had me pinned down until I tried to move and I couldn't. We have been broken up for weeks as of right now but, I like I need to cope with the abuse I endured and I don't know how.

Hi juniebun,

I'm so sorry that your ex violated your boundaries in that way (although I am glad to hear he is now your ex, as someone who ignores a partners "no" is not themselves a good partner). Someone can be a good partner, and even a loving partner, some of the time, but still abuse and harm their partner, so him saying he loved you does not negate what he did.

Maybe a starting point for talking with us is here is how you envision the coping you want to do. In other words, are their certain things you're experiencing as a result of the abuse (nightmares, triggers, etc) that you'd like to address? Also, have you looked into any local survivor's resources?

I feel guilty..like, I feel like I could have prevented if I listened to the people around telling me not to do date him. I keep reliving it thinking I can do it over and maybe something could change. I haven't looked into any survivor resources yet....

What you're describing, that feeling that somehow you could have prevented what happened, is one I've heard many survivor's express. It's completely understandable to wish for a way to go back and stop someone from hurting you. What's important to remember is that it was his choices, not yours, that lead to this. He made the choice to violate your boundaries. Does that make sense?

Looking for local resources might be a good next step, as they can usually offer one on one counseling or a hotline to give you additional forms of support. Are there any people in your life, like friends or family, who've reached out to for support around this?

Can I also just check in to make sure you are safe now? In other words, beyond being broken up, you're not still within reach of this person harming you in any way again, are you?

I have family that knows but, they don't how I feel about it which I pathetic trying to express to them how I feel.

Yes I am safe. We worked at the same the place and I quit to be away from him. I'm also moving to another city soon so I'll be more than safe.

I'm glad to hear you're in a space away from him, although it sucks that you had to quit a job to be away from this guy.

In terms of next steps, what would be most helpful for you? We could talk about ways to share how you feel with your family, if that's something you want and think would be beneficial, but if there are other things that feel more relevant we can focus on those.

Have you been able to reach out to a local resource?