Scarleteen

I know communication over sex is vital to a good sexual relationship. But for me it IS just uncomfortable to talk about, purely becuase I have suffered ED before and i feel quite embarrased about it. What should I do? I might be porn induced but over the course of previous erection issues, just thinking about sex and doing it gives me anxiety that of it happening again and i Will be a failure. Because of that i have avoided talking about sex and doing it. What could I do to address this topic comfortably? And that Im nervous and stuff? And to talk about sex overall?

First off, while we have a few articles on our site that deal with worries about losing or not getting an erection when one is desired, I think these two are especially helpful ones I suggest you take a look at, as a way of thinking about the situation differently. Two people can have sex without anyone having an erection - sex encompasses far more than just intercourse, and I think focusing on "what can we do that sounds good right now" is always going to be a more productive conversation to have with a partner than "what a bummer that we can't do this one thing" will be.

Not having an erection when being intimate with a partner doesn't mean you're a failure, or that sex is going to be a failure. I think the more you can really internalize and believe that, the better off you'll be here.

With that in mind, if talking about sex sounds really intimidating to you, it might be that you only feel comfortable doing that in the context of a relationship where you've already built up some emotional connection and opened up to each other about other topics. It's ok to say "I feel self-conscious about this" or "this causes me some anxiety" but I encourage you not to lead off the conversation with an apology for your body.

If you haven't read this article, I think this is a good one about sexual communication in general: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner