Scarleteen

What does it mean when u boyfriend already hits u when he's angry upset or doesn't get his way an he wants sex or oral everyday all day an when u refuse he gets angry an ansults you an even hits you......

Please help?

Hi Nicole!

I am so sorry you are going through this. This is absolutely abusive, and I am really grateful you have come forward with it. Would you like some support getting out of this situation?

Could you tell us a bit more. Are you living with him? Are there friends and family you can go to to get away from him?

Yea I live with him been together 2 yrs an yeah it have family

Umm he's been hitting me a long time an drinks everyday I can avoid being hit but I have to keep my mouth shut an obey but I've found myself being mean to him an laughing an hitting him back which I never use to do I'm losing myself as well

He likes sex alot an all the time but I like sex just as much as the next person but there are days I don't want it or it starts to hurt to him the 7 days I'm on my monthly I'm supposed to give him oral if I do not want to do either he gets mad an ansults me saying things like I'm a whore or fat or no one will ever love me he has even took it as far as threatening my life which isn't needed when your already scared of him todày alone I have gotten bruises an a knot of my face but when I leave I come back I just don't know what to do anymore

He's jealous of everyone doesn't want me having friends or seeing family I can't even go to bathroom without him at the door but he can do an go an say as he pleases

I am so sorry Nicole. You sound very much in danger and trapped.

Is there anyone else living with you or is it just you and him?

I assume you are safe to post here? Also assuming you want to get out?

I can help you find local support if that's something you would be interested in.

We also have a very detailed article on having a safety plan for getting out of an abusive situation. Let me just get you the link...

Are there people who he has disconnected you from, from before you met him, who you think you could reach out to?

The reason an abusive person pushes our friends away is because they know that actually other people are your best resources. Luckily, those people can still be there years later and there are professionals who can be of assistance... So we can talk about reaching out.

Is there anything else that I can do for you?

Just need to know how to go an not come back I know he will never change

Here's the piece....
The Scarleteen Safety Plan

There is also a subsection on when you're living with the abuse...

Safety Plan: When You Live With the Abuse

Knowing he will never change is a really important first step... often abusive people make us believe that their behaviour is our fault so to know that is really powerful Nicole.

The important parts of leaving that sort of situation are to make your safety number 1, knowing who you are going to connect with for support and keeping yourself safe until you can leave.

Honestly, anywhere sounds safer than where you are right now...

Do you have any idea who you would contact and how you can contact them?

It seems like email or online is a good way if that's how you're sending these posts.

Yea I have my mom an sister they can come after me but he's going to go stupid when II try too

That is great.

Is he always in the house? Is there ever a time when he isn't?

He works so yea

Ok so.

You could leave while he is at work. However if he knows where your mum and sister live is it likely he would go there?

It sounds like you will need some on-the-ground support from a local Domestic Violence organisation. They will be able to get you access to what you need right near you. It would probably be a lot safer than doing it alone. As they will have a lot of experience with what to do, specifically in your area.

So I would strongly recommend contacting one of these: http://www.domesticpeace.com/shelters.html

These two look like they might be close to you

Options, Inc. (Dual)
P.O. Box 554
Monticello, AR 71657
870-367-3488 (Hotline)
870-460-0684 (Office)
options.inc1989@gmail.com
(Region 5)

CASA
P.O. Box 6705
Pine Bluff, AR 71611
870-535-2955 (Hotline & Office)
kap64@yahoo.com
(Region 5)

Yes they r

Are you ok to call/email them? (call would be better)

Yes I'll have to wait until he leaves but he's getting up I have to go or I'll be in trouble truly thankful for your help

Ok, I hope it goes well, and that they are helpful!

Keep us posted if you can but if it's safer not to, best of luck!

We are here if you need resources, or to ask any more questions, or vent, or reflect or anything else you can think of.

Well he's not going to work today so he blew that plan outta the water

Oh no!

Ok... Do you feel like you have a bit of a plan now?

Planning the gettaway in your head can be a handy way to pass the time if you're not safe to do any of the stuff just now.

Okay I'm sure I can do that thanks

Do you have the ability to go on, say, a very boring errand like grocery shopping where you'd have time to be alone and make a call? Or would even asking to do that put you at risk of him getting angry and hurting you?

Also, to make sure, are you taking steps like wiping your internet history on the off chance he's tracking what you do online?

He doesn't let me go anywhere but I am clearing history